Get stuff off my chest

So I moved to Ohio and been with this man for 8 years now... I do love him and his 2 kids. But at the same time I have the urge to talk to other men and be single. A side of me thinks this way because he doesn't eat pussy. He has before.. sucks at it... but definitely doesn't satisfy me like I want..he alwys wants to get his off.What about mine? I enjoy giving head and it turns me on. He also has a drinking issue and everytime he drinks he talks about men that Ive been with before him and when I do ask him about head.. hell say he wont for that reason. we almost been together 9 years! we fight about his security/jealous issues and drinking issues and then wont talk for a like 2 weeks.. we end up missing eachother and I go right back. i hate this dysfunctional relationship and I have to break this habit.. now I have had sex w someone while we werent talking one of those times.. it did feel like cheating even though it was a break.. but when I had sex with this other man it was something ive been missing from my relationship ..and it was greatobviously theres more to relationships then sex but its a big part and i dont want to feel guilty for something I want that I deserve especially if hes not doing it right . I just want some guidance and advice.