Bulimia

This all happened in a month.

Being a person that has friends 20x skinnier than I’ll probably be hurts. I use to eat all the food I liked. Didn’t care about what extra weight I put on. My highest weight was 136. I am 5’3. At first I would just try to eat healthier and exercise. I hated exercising so I stopped. I tried controlling my calorie count and it worked super well. I was losing weight. Only 1000 calories a day. My obsession with losing weight grew to just 200 calories a day. When my friend asked me to have a girls night out and eat. I was reluctant. I search up what had the least amount of calories and she saw and immediately questioned me and scolded me. I felt ashamed so I agreed to eat. The whole time I ate I felt ugly. I did whatever I knew to do. When I got home I stuck two fingers in my mouth until I threw up. I forced myself 6 times. Crying and laying on the bathroom floor being pathetic. At this point I became 117. Which was my dream weight and I was happy. As I said before I pushed myself and thought my legs were fat. My cheeks were too full. I didn’t eat at all for two days. When I went out to eat with friends I’ll play with my food and with a napkin I’ll stuff the food there and pretended to eat. Then hungry got the best of me. I couldn’t stop. I’ll eat once a day and the first place I’ll be right after in the bathroom. Crying and puking anything I could. I’ll weigh myself each day. Trying to see progress. When I went to 112 pounds. I was happy but not satisfied. I noticed I lost weight slower and it was killing me inside. Instead of eating hearty meals I’ll eat one cookie a day and puke it out. It was a horrible cycle. I felt like throwing up even at the thought of eating. I cried many nights. It wasn’t until I hit 97 pounds that my friend blew up on me and called me crazy when I realized how bad. I knew It was bad from the start but I can’t stop! I try to see myself as beautiful but I couldn’t. I got skinner than my friends who are significantly taller than me. I didn’t feel good though. I want stop. Yet whenever I do eat a big meal the thought of all the weight I’m gaining takes control and I’m on the bathroom floor like a mess. Please help..I need advice. My throat burns. My head is always pounding. I don’t know how else to stop