He made me bleed to the point it was running down my legs. There was so much blood.

He fucked me from behind, he couldn’t see my face or how uncomfortable I was. I don’t know if that was on purpose or not.

I was so scared, I didn’t have my car, I was alone in his dorm. I didn’t say no.

I think I encouraged him so it could be over as soon as possible. By the end I just pressed my fingernails into the wall so I could have a different pain to distract me. I was on the verge of tears.

When it was over he just handed me a bunch of toilet paper and got the pizza we ordered before. There so much blood I got lightheaded, I cried then. I wanted to go home but I didn’t have my car. So I had to just wait for him, which took another two hours.

I know I should’ve said no or to stop. I don’t know why the words didn’t come out. I guess part of me was afraid that he wouldn’t stop anyway, i was afraid to face it. Part of me was just like “just count until it’s over, distract yourself”.

And I apologized to him for getting blood everywhere.

Im not trying to blame anyone, I know that it works two ways and I should’ve said to stop. I just wanted to write it out, try and compartmentalize it, sometimes it keeps me up thinking about it and how I should’ve handled it.

I know for next time, but I hope there’s never a next time.

If anyone has advice to try to forget what happened I’d really appreciate it