I found out my husband was cheating on me back in February while I was away (military) it was literally a couple days before I was due to come home. But I didn’t find out about any of this until May. Mind you we had just found out 2/3 weeks prior that we were expecting our first child. When I found out I felt stupid like everything I had ever done for this guy was a mistake and I was stupid enough to think he’d every be able to change. He was asking a female for sex. Basically begging like a pathetic asshole. I wasn’t even gone for a whole month before he started talking to this girl again. It was like a rekindled thing I guess. But he was telling her how she would just have to lay there while he got his shit off I guess and she kept like making excuses I guess about why she couldn’t but he kept insisting. I’m like why? Till this day I question why? Like I’ve never deprived him of sex. Everything he asks me to do in bed I do. I cook I clean I’m not perfect but I aim to please him. Even his family members tell him how great I am. His cousin always says I need a clone of you. And my husband laughs and agrees how amazing I am except that sometimes I nag him about playin video games but whatever. So fast forward it’s been a couple months and I had decided to look past this bullshit for the sake of our unborn child. But sometimes I can’t help and think that he’s doing it again or he’ll do it again or I’ll replay the messages I saw on his phone that night over and over again. And go from really happy to just staring off into the distance. Like how would he like it if I was talking to some guy the way he was talking to that girl. Literally I cry sometimes just cause I think about how good I’ve been to him. He’s been through a lot in his life so my goal was to never cause him pain. I love this man so much even after everything I still don’t feel the need or want to hurt the person I love the most. Like I just feel so down and depressed sometimes when I think of the whole ordeal. It still hurts like hell. I was planning on leaving him last month while he was out to sea but couldn’t bare the thought of how hurt he’d be if he’d come home to an empty house with me 6 hours away at home with my parents. The whole point of this post is to ask anyone who has ever been through anything similar for advice on how to cope. I want to get past this but sometimes I just want to yell at him and call him all the names on the book and remind him how bad he messed up and how bad this could’ve gone. I could be home with family instead of 6 hours away from them living with a cheater. I questioned why he did it and never even bothered to tell me. Like I had to find out on my own he said it wouldn’t have mattered when he told me. I’m like yes it would have we would’ve never kept trying for this baby ( I do not regret getting pregnant at all but like it would have made a difference in my life choices a couple months ago) it’s a lot. I know I just have no one else to vent to. Because if my family found out all hell would break loose. My brother, my sister, and my mom would get involved and not understand why I’m staying with such a fucking asshole when he did what he did.