20 & my mom and step dad are separating, our family has been dysfunctional.

So long story short my mom has been married to my step dad since I was 5 I’ve known him since I was about 3. She divorced my dad when I was 1 and don’t remember the divorce but I know it was because of abuse and he’s also a drug addict.

So for a long time it seemed to start when my little brothers got into sports and also when I was heavily struggling with my mental health and going to school, my parents started having tension in their relationship.

My mom constantly feels ignored or like other things are always put before her in their relationship. She gets upset that she never had a nice vacation. And she feels like she is the victim of mental abuse and that he’s just oblivious and ignores her.

My step dad does really nothing to correct any of his faults and fix so nothing ever changes or happens because neither of them try to put things together.

My mom gets disproportionately angry about stupid things and constantly likes to “boo who” about her life (sh w always been like this, grass is always greener on the others side and she always gets jealous of other people)and how miserable she is. She even told me she hates herself and wants to kill herself. I can tell she’s been struggling with her mental health lately but nothing I suggest happens and she doesn’t do anything so I don’t know how to help her. I suggested she go talk to someone, I suggested she change her job cause sh s miserable at her job, I suggested that she should get on hormones or talking to her for being pre menopausal. I told my step dad to get her help and he hasn’t.

Anyways I’m 20 and live in my own apartment with a baby and my partner, but we often go over my parents. And I don’t really know what to do. Whenever we’re all around other people my parents are super fake about what’s really going on. Nobody but me really knows the premise of the entire situation. My brothers who are 14 and 12 don’t really know what’s going and they live with them. My sister who is 23 doesn’t really know much or anything about it. But I gather that my siblings and myself feel the bad vibes and energy that always around with them and the constant stupid arguments, my mom being a bitch to my step dad. And then him just igrnoing her or her ignoring him. It creates a lot of tension in our family.

Both of them have poor communication with one another. My mom disproportionately reacts to situations and distorts the reality of things. He’s oblivious to the world around him and ignores everything that isn’t work or my brothers sports. Both of them in my opinion are to blame for the conflict and neither of them have tried to resolve it. They are just making each other miserable and our family miserable and I don’t really know what to do. Just wanted to share and maybe get some helpful advice on how to help my family