Salaam ladies

The group has been a bit quiet here lately, so I hope you are all well and pregnancies/babies doing well also InshaAllah :)

I’m not sure if we’ve done this topic before, but it’s raised its ugly head for me after a long while without any issue, and I just need to talk to people who understand really.

When I worked in an office, before I had our son, I wasn’t wearing hijab so it wasn’t immediately obvious I was Muslim. It soon became clear that handshaking is still a common business greeting and I was aware this is not right for a Muslim woman to do with other men. At that time, I set myself some boundaries to begin with. I never offered my hand out first to a male colleague, and I would always approach said colleagues with things in my hands and arms to discourage any attempt at handshaking on their part (pile of papers, phone, crossed arms etc). This mostly worked, though there were some occasions when I was still offered a hand and shook it. Partly out of instinct, partly because I didn’t have the confidence to stop myself and explain why I couldn’t shake their hand.

At that time, I read so much advice on Muslim forums and websites about how to get around this issue. What to say in that situation. But I never managed to succeed in practicing what I read.

Now, almost two years after leaving work, I have not had to shake any man’s hand. But last Friday we got the keys to our new house Alhamdulillah and suddenly we are having appointments with loads of tradespeople and companies we need to do work on it. The first hand I shook, I knew I had done wrong, but my husband said nothing. The second time, he called me out on it. Not in a harsh way, but he was within his rights to mention it and he understood this is something I am aware of as being wrong. I asked for his forgiveness and thought about how to prevent it happening again. Yesterday, we met a couple my husband has known for a long while. They are non-Muslim but really think a lot of my husband. I deliberately held our son, the keys and some paperwork so as to avoid any awkward handshaking approach. They know we are practicing Muslims but I don’t always think people realise this means we don’t shake hands with the opposite sex. Anyway, afterwards, my husband asked why I didn’t hug the woman. I explained it was because I was holding everything to try and avoid shaking the man’s hand! I was upset he didn’t realise this straight away but we ironed it out. Later though, I still felt dissatisfied with the resolution, as I realised it is the forgiveness and help of Allah SWT I truly need.

And then today, another tradesperson came and just before he left, took me completely unawares by putting out his hand. I was wearing hijab and really didn’t think he would approach. Even though I knew it was completely wrong and this guilt was fresh in my head, I shook his hand, very unwillingly. Instantly I felt shame and burst in to tears when he left.

I naively thought the hijab would protect me from this problem, but it didn’t. I have to do it myself. I need to pray, du’a, repent and ask for help to find the confidence to say no.

I suppose I just wanted to share this here and see if anyone else has been through similar? Do you have any positive stories of tackling this personally?

As always sisters, it is such a relief to have you here to reach out to xxx