Would you give away your SO’s ashes?

Question

This stems from someone I know. They were married for more than 40 years and 2 weeks after he passed away she was already seeing someone else plus talking/sending nude photos to multiple people over Facebook. The whole time she’s saying her actions are stemming from her husband dying. She then goes to his best friend to have sex and they didn’t work out. A few weeks later she meets a terrible man on tinder and the man is verbally and mentally abusive and he has no place to live so she moves him and his daughter in with her. This is now about two years later and his birthday just passed. The family was going to throw a bbq/get together for his birthday and she didn’t want to go. A month later she gives away his ashes and her excuse is that “every woman does this, it’s time to move on”. 
Would you do these things and give away your SO’s ashes?
 Or am I wrong for thinking that this is completely absurd?

Answer

It seems completely absurd to think that anyone except this woman could have any idea what she’s going through. Grief is fucking messy. 
Would I make the same choices she has? I have no idea. I haven’t been married for 40 years and subsequently lost that person. No one except her knows what that marriage was like. No one except her knows what her grief (and/or reaction to that loss) is like.

Answer

Who would want her husband’s ashes? I think that’s far weirder.  Why should she keep them?
I would not keep my husband’s ashes – I’d likely dump them.  If he didn’t have a specific spot he wanted them distributed, then I’d probably just put them somewhere in the yard. Maybe with a tree? I’m not sure. 
If she’s with someone abusive, then I’d be more concerned about that. Though, considering the other very (imho overly harsh) negative judgements about sending sexy photos and meeting guys online, I can’t help but wonder if the judgment of the boyfriend is also off a bit.

Answer

It’s not like she gave them to a stranger, she gave them to one of her kids. No, I personally wouldn’t do it. But if that’s what she needs to do to move on, I don’t see why that’s an issue. Clearly we can’t understand what’s going on in her head, but it’s not really our place to judge how she maneuvers the grieving process. 
I do hope she gets out of that relationship though. 
Basically, I think we should just be letting the woman be.

Answer

I don’t know this woman; don’t know what the past 40 years have been like with her spouse; she could’ve had reason to move on soon after his death. I also have no idea who else would want her dead husbands ashes other than family and I don’t think it’s bad to give them to family, especially if you have difficulty with seeing them sitting there everyday. The only thing I know for sure is that this woman that was married 40 years is close to 60 years old and probably make her own decisions about who lives with her and she’s likely the only one that has to deal with the consequences so no judgment on her from here.

Answer

Everyone grieves differently & she may not know how to deal with it so she is acting out & making poor choices. I think she may need counseling to get through the loss.

Answer

fuck i hit the wrong one. i ment to hit no

Answer

I couldn’t see myself giving away a loved ones ashes, especially not my husbands. If anything, (I don’t understand this but am using it for arguments sake) if I felt like I needed to ‘move on’ and couldn’t keep the ashes any longer for whatever reason, I would see about burying them in a cemetery with a headstone. I would still be able to visit (as would other people), I wouldn’t feel upset over seeing the ashes in my house everyday, ect. That seems like a nice option if it came to that. 
In this situation, is it possible she’s having a hard time moving on from the loss? Being together that long, he had to of been her world. And now, without her world being there, it has to be incredibly disorienting, scary, and lonely. She’s possibly feeling very lost and trying to find a new partner who is able to provide her with love/support/ect (possibly going about it in the wrong way) and instead ending up in an abusive relationship (abusers often look for ‘weak’ people they can take advantage of) 
I feel really bad for her honestly

Answer

I clicked yes and meant to click no!

Answer

I wonder if the abusive guy is influencing her decisions. Regardless of what we think, she’s going to do whatever she wants. Judging her over it is futile. She needs help. She needs to see a therapist/counselor.

Answer

This makes no sense, they we’re married for 40 years and the women is sending nudes and is on tender??? She has to be in her 60s right?? I mean get it grandma!!

Would you give away your SO’s ashes?

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