I was pregnant!

Hello to whomever is reading this.

On June 2nd we did our first IUI. The procedure in itself went smoothly, minor discomfort but nothing major.

Then came the wait. Everyone tells you not to test early, but it is soooooo hard not to do. My God it’s hard. I started testing 7 DPIUI. Needles to say it all came negative. I live on a small island in the caribbean and we had a vacation planned to Las Vegas on the 11th of June (my bday). I was kind of relieved our vacation was coincedentally after our IUI. I though I would be so into our vacation that I wouldn’t stress about testing. Wishfull thinking! As soon as we got to the US I went straight to a CVS and bought some pregnancy tests. All tests were negative. But on the 13th of June I saw the faintest line on the test. I just could not believe it. I did not tell my husband. I just went to Walmart and bought 5 digital tests. As soon as I got back to the hotel I ripped the package open and testing. I even filmed it. PREGNANT!!

That word was all I have been wanting for 3 years. I ran out of the bathroom and showed my husband. He was so happy about it. I immediately went to a CVS close to our hotel to buy prenatals, I did not have any cafeine and really watched what I was eating. My husband was so attentive and did not let me carry any of our suitcases. I told my sister who lives abroad, she was estatic and so was I. We were already planning on going back to the US to do some babyshopping.

As I got back from my vacation I called my gyno to schedule an apointment. 6 of July. We were going to see our baby for the first time on the 6th of July.

The day after I made the appointment I woke up and I took a test from my night stand. Something told me to test. NOT PREGNANT.

I texted ny husband the photo of the test as he was at work. His reaction: please no.

I called a lab and went in for a beta test. I would have the results at 4:30pm. Longest day ever. Test came back negative. I was not pregnant. My car ride home was one of the hardest. I had to call my husband and tell him. And then I just climbed under the covers. When he came home he got in bed with me and we both cried.

I was so confused. I went into my closet and got out all of the old pregnancy tests I ever took. NOne of them had even the faintest lines, I over analyzed everything. Did I eat something wrong? Did I do something I shouldn’t have? Should I have travelled so soon after IUI? Was it my fault?

It’s now almost 2 weeks later after we got the blood test back and I am slowly getting back into my routine. I spend nights either thinking what I could have done differently or imagining still being pregnant.

“At least now you know you can get pregnant.”

“ At least it was in the early stages.”

I know they are trying to comfort me, but it is not less painfull because it happened early. I was pregnant. I lost my baby. It is devastating.