My husband and i been married for 2 years now.

When i first moved in with him i found text messages from him and his “best friend” flirting etc. Tbh that made me not trust him. He didn’t deny it, he also apologized and told her he no longer cant be friends w her. Months later he started getting random emails from craiglist stating he was looking for sex. He said someone was hacking his email. Fine. Emails kept coming. Then one of his ex that was never over him started making “fake text screenshots” of him and her texting each other. She send those to OUR facebook. Obviously at the begging i believed her he cried and said it wasnt true he even took me to the police department etc. My man has always been up front with me. If i ask him something he will tell me the truth. Those were just a couple examples but throughout our marriage there has been some shit happening that it makes me no trust him. For this reason, im always doubting him and he gets upset of course. This is one of the main reasons why our marriage doesnt work. I always think hes doing something behind my back and when i ask him he gets angry and yells at me telling me hes tired of me not trusting him .. because of my insecurities we always end up fighting, cursing each other, insulting calling names we have been verbal/emotional, mental abusive towards each other and he has put his hands on me several times. We always end up talking and saying we need to stop this and coming with new plans on how to handle it next time etc but never changes. Im not blaming him. A fight is between two. I too havent been easy on him. I guess as a wife i need to be the one to calm him down, but we both have the same personality “you yell at me i yell at u” kinda thing. So thats why he says i always provoked him to hitting me.

2 days ago, i had my sister come over for the weekend. She lives an hr away. My husband picked her up 20 min from home. after they got home i went to our room where he was at and i sat next to him and nicely asked him “hey babe, just wanted to ask you if you went to see someone else while you were pickin my sister up” he got up and started giving me attitude saying “here we go insulting me again just shut up you and ur insecurities im tired of you fuck you ...... i told him to lower his voice because of my sister ... i got so angry i just left the room.. he got out following me and yelling “I DONT CARE IF YOUR SISTER IS HERE, BETTER IF SHE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING, (Sis name) YOUR SISTER HAS BEEN A SHITTY WIFE I CANT STAND HER NO MORE FUCK HER ALWAYS THINKING IM FUCKIN SOMEONE ELSE ETC) he grabbed me by my arm pulled me to our room and threw me in the bed and continued to yell a bunch of crap. As soon as i had the chance i got out of the room and he followed me again and grabbed me by my neck and my sister yelled at him telling him to stop and to not touch me. Husband got worst and started yelling and insulting my sister , i hold my sister and husband kept pushing us and throwing things on the floor saying he want to fight us and wishing my dad was here so he can punch and kill him. My sister called an uber and left... she wanted me to leave too but i knew better.

Yesterday and today we been distant. He did apologize to me and said he feels like shit. He ruined his relationship with my sister and feels so bad. I told him i wanted divorce and i do want divorce. I dont want to stay here no more. Its always the same. I have gotten to the hospital before BECAUSE OF HIM! its bad our relationship is bad. But i dont understand me! I want to leave !! But i cant.

We been thru so much together. I cant seem to leave him. I look at him crying and regretting everything and i just cant leave him. His life has never been easy. He lost his son, his own mother wished him dead , hes all alone. Truly hes an amazing husband its just his temper when he gets mad he cannot control himself. But i gotta think about ME! Which is why i wanna leave, but why is it so damn hard??? I LOVE HIM!!! I look around and i love the little house he gave me, everything he has done for me. Loosing sleep going hungry just for me! For us! Help me i dont know what to do.....

Btw i am 22

Husband is 33

My lil sister is 17