I apologize in advance if this turns into a really long message.

I’ve been going out with a guy for a little over 2 months. And for almost a month of that I have been living on the other side of the country. He knew I was moving when we met, but he still wanted to hang out. I kinda thought that the ‘relationship’ will end when I leave, but he still clings on to the idea of us. (He also never asked me to be his girlfriend, he said that there would be no point to it as I’m leaving, but he’s always acted like we are an official couple.)

I have to admit, I’ve been pretty blinded by my feelings, and I was even going to go visit him next month. But the problem is, somewhere along the way, in the past two days really, something changed for me. I realized that it is not what I wanted for myself, and he doesn’t really fit into my plans or my life for that matter. For many reasons. One being that his focus is completely on himself and most of the time, I realize that he doesn’t even acknowledge that I told him something, he just changes the topic back to him and his life.

I know I should end it, and soon as he is expecting me to come visit and has plans for us. Plans I was excited about. I do feel like a huge fool for leading him on like this, but it was never my intention. Like I said, my feelings were the same until 2 days ago. I can’t explain what happened, it’s just like my eyes opened up.

The real problem I have, is that I know he has thought about suicide before and I did get the feeling that he might try harming himself when I leave. I fear that he has built his everything on what we had and that he might see me breaking it off as the end or something. I don’t want him to harm himself, and selfishly I don’t want what he does, if he does it, to be my fault, but I cannot be with him.

I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with a situation like this? Or advice on what to do? I really feel that this is life or death.

Forever grateful,

X