I’m sorry but I just need to vent. I haven’t had a good nights sleep in four months. I do everything for my baby. I only breastfeed so he’s awake constantly to be fed again... the longest he’s ever slept is 5 hours and that’s only been 2x in the 4 months he’s been alive. I love my baby so much but I just need a break..

I want a full nights rest. I desperately need a massage. I wanna be able to take a long relaxing bath or shower, not a quick one in case he’s awake again or his father can’t calm him down 🙄. I want to have a night out with my friends.

I love my son’s father very much. And for about the first 3 weeks he did everything because my pregnancy was very tough and I was extremely weak from it all for a while. I had to be in bed almost at all times. So I would only see my baby when I had to feed him or occasionally put him to sleep. He would handle all the diaper changes, let me sleep, give me snacks or meals. He was very helpful and didn’t mind.. but fast forward to now I barely get any help from him.

I’m going back to work next week (he’s been the only one working.) And to be very honest I don’t know how he’s gonna do it. I’m the one who puts our baby to sleep, i feed him, I change him, I bathe him, I even have to be the one to bottle feed him (when I have pumped) because once the baby becomes fussy from the bottle he gives up 😑 I NEVER GET A BREAK.

He comes home from work and he carries and watches him for a short while and once he’s fussy, he’s given back to me. Like I’ve said I obviously love my baby but I just can’t sometimes.. I need help.

All my bf ever wants to do is go out all the time.. and I get it because we’re young and that’s what we did before I got pregnant. We were always out with friends, having a good time, but it’s different now. We have more responsibilities (especially financially) and we’re responsible for another life. But every week he wants to go out, if he could he’d be out every night of the week. Whenever he does go out he gets drunk and comes home drunk which is the most annoying thing. He can be at work all day and then goes out so of course I’ve been watching our son all day and since he doesn’t come home I can’t even rest.

I don’t know how it’s gonna go when I have to go back to work. He’s gonna have breast milk to feed him bottles. But I just know once I’m home from work, I STILL won’t be able to rest for a little while at least.. I know I’m still not going to get any sleep because neither of them will let me. I’m still going to have to be up every few hours to do what I have to do.. *sigh*

One day I was gone for about 1-2 hours tops to go treat myself to a mani pedi (it had been a very long time) and I got home to my bf annoyed and pissed bc our son was being fussy, not eating or wanting to sleep. Of course I come home and I calm him down and am able to feed him perfectly fine. Idk what he does differently.

How will he last when I have to be gone 6-8 hours a day?

I’m sorry for this long post. Who knows if anyone will even read it, but I just had to vent.

Does anybody else feel this way? Just me?

*crying myself to sleep because I am so tired*