I'm so sorry that I can't be a mother to you. I'm sorry that I'm so terrified of pregnancy and birth and anything to do with hospitals and doctors that I'll never have you. I see other people growing their own little ones and it makes me wish I could feel you growing in me too. I see parents raising their kids and I start to plan out how I'll raise you, but then I remember that I never will. I wouldn't be the best parent anyway, but I can't help but wish that I was strong enough to have you. I've tried, I really have, but the fear is too much. I know others will say that it's easy and you just have to get through it, but I already know I can't. I wish I could give your daddy a little version of himself, because I know he would be an amazing father. He knows I can't though, and he says he'll never expect it for us. I'm lucky that he supports me so much, I just wish I could bring you into this world so that he could support you too. I love you so much and you're not even nearly in the world, I love you so much that it hurts. Maybe one day I'll be able to raise someone else's little one and make them my own, but right now I'm just so sad that it will never be you