My husband and I lost our first baby girl at 22 weeks on May 20th due to a placental abruption. I'm devastated...heart broken...all I can think about is why my body failed to keep carrying her...she was a healthy baby. Since she was our first I'm terrified I'll have another abruption and will never carry a baby full term. I'm trying to stay hopeful, but the thought of being pregnant again consumes me...it's what I think will really help me deal with this pain. I'm also seeing a therapist, going to support groups, and going to yoga so that I can work on this grief and so that I can be stable enough to start TTC. I'm seeing a specialist for a preconception visit next week...really hoping he eases my mind and brings me some comfort. I feel like I have some good days...but mostly sad and emotional days. I keep looking at forums for hopeful stories after abruptions and I just obsess over it. My therapist is telling me to only allow 30min a day to think these thoughts...look up forums and etc. it's just so hard for me...all I can think about is the day we lost our baby, going through a traumatic labor, remembering how beautiful she was and the thought of never being able to hold her again. Just so sad, and trying to keep hope that one day we will have our rainbow baby.

Thanks for reading. If anyone has any good advice or hopeful stories please share :)