Today Is the 4th of July. I'm 19 and I'm still scared. When I was around 4 or 5 my house got shot up 21 bullets entered my home and one of them literally went over my head, if I was 2 inches taller I would've got shot in the head. And Every fucking 4th of July I'm petrified. doesn't matter if I see the pretty lights I'm still scared and I hate it. And this is the first 4th of July I spend alone. so I'm even more scared but I'm trying to remain strong even though part of me just wants to cry. the saddest part is the other part wants to trap myself in a box. so I don't hear a sound. PTSD sucks!