Did you feel like you needed help after you got home from the hospital? (Even if it’s from a over excited mother-in-law)

Question

So my mother died a few years ago and her help I would have taken but my mother in law told me she’s going to stay for a few days after we leave the hospital.....I don’t feel like I want her to help but my husband thinks we’re going to neeeeeed it 🙄 
I would be perfectly fine with figuring it out on our own but he thinks it’s rude to tell her no please don’t worry about staying (thankfully she is staying in a hotel but still) because this is her first grandchild...like it’s our first child!

Answer

If your MIL is going to help you. It'll be in the bathroom helping you deal with postpartum stuff. Helping you get in and out of bed, cleaning blood out of things. If you're breastfeeding, seeing your tits out and help guide you on how the shape and fullness of your breasts can breastfeed most comfortably for you and baby. 
The infant will be asleep 70% of the time for the first week... I think you and your husband got that covered. 
If you're down to have her as part of your postpartum life yes. But NO if you would not be comfortable with that. It's rude that she inserts herself and your husband backs her up. YOUR BODY IS RECOVERING. Baby is new. If you are stressed it will stress baby. Baby continues to communicate with mom's hormones until after breastfeeding stops.

Answer

As long as you and your husband are both able to be home I don’t think it’s necessary to have her there as well.

Answer

For me that would have cause 100000x more stress and would have made my time with my baby horrible.my husband had to leave for work as soon as we got home so I was completely alone with baby for a week. It was wonderful we got to bond, work on breastfeeding, and I got her all to myself and didn’t have to share her lol.

Answer

Usually its less help and more of the guest bonding with your baby when baby is in a good mood. Just order take out and use paper plates/ let the laundry pile for a week/ heal yourself.

Answer

It’ll depend on how delivery goes & your recovery. I was planning on having my family, changed my mind, and then after not sleeping for days (the onset of PPD), my husband called my sister & mom, and they came for a few days. The best thing my mom told me was, “you’re allowed to change your mind at any time” (whether I wanted help or not).

Answer

So I had my mom (not doing THAT again) the first week, and my MIL the following three weeks.  It was nice to have ACTUAL help, but my mom just wanted to coo over the baby and ended up just sitting on the couch watching TV the whole time.  She complained I didn’t talk to her, and was very critical about our choices (my husband is Taiwanese while I am American (white), and we decided I would do the 1 month lay on where mommy and baby do not go out for the first month at all (except doctor appt), and I had a specific diet and so on).  
 
This time (#2), I decided I didn’t want either to come that first month (my MIL was very possessive of the baby and wouldn’t let ANYONE ELSE hold him).  But this is also because I do not have a place for them to stay and I simply do not want the added stress.
 
🤷‍♀️

Answer

a few days in a hotel is like serious god send. Most mom's literally try to move in for weeks! I'd say you have it pretty lucky 😂 My best friend doesn't get along with her mother at all (her mom is super controlling) and she even said the help was nice and her mom stayed 2 weeks. My step mom is coming Tuesday and staying until after baby is born and then some. I'm the type that likes control over my environment and doing things for myself so I understand where you are coming from but what I've heard is most women really enjoy the help.

Answer

My mom was so helpful - I’d have been lost without her. She cooked (and I was eating a ton trying to nurse) and cleaned and did laundry and held the baby when I needed a break. But in all situations she was helping, literally. Not hogging the baby or sitting around. I never asked her to do anything, but she always knew exactly what was needed. We also had two hospital stays around a week old, and she stayed almost three weeks helping us get through it. 
So I guess it depends on what she plans to do while helping. Really helping or not?  
And..can you handle showing your boobs or going to a private place to nurse?

Answer

I’m personally one of those people who likes to figure out things on my own and figure out the baby. My husband stayed home for a week both times and that was all I needed. My mom
Brought by dinner a few times but I’m a very independent, figure it out yourself type of person. Especially if you plan to breastfeed, it’s not like they can exactly help in that department. Everyone says to sleep when baby sleep, I never did. Once I was up for the day I couldn’t nap later and I spent the downtime cleaning and laundry, or just relaxing watching a movie. I totally get where you’re coming from. My mom had made a comment about how someone asked her if she was going to be in the delivery room, and she said I don’t think so. And that person said “well girls always need their mom, I’m sure you will be” but even in the delivery room it was just my husband and the nurses who coached me through it all. And when I’m in pain not only do i not want to be bothered, I didn’t want my mom watching me give birth. She wasn’t there when the baby was made lol. She also made comments to my husband that I was almost “over confident” about being able to do it. But I managed and made it, I figured out what worked for us and what worked for baby. I wouldn’t say you would need someone to help with baby but I suppose to be there to help tidy up or do dishes? But if you’re SO is going to be home he can do that stuff.

Answer

As the nurse explained to myself but more so my husband, if you have any visitors, make them take care of the house and us vs the baby. We plan on having my MIL come for visits only and clean the house, cook, etc. She will not be staying overnight but def won’t be on any baby duty. The first few weeks are important that we bond and that we get used to being new parents.

Did you feel like you needed help after you got home from the hospital? (Even if it’s from a over excited mother-in-law)

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