Here goes nothing.

I’ve lost the love of my life. We broke up because he wants to go special forces and thinks it’s unfair to have me wait for him. ( that’s the really long story condensed to one sentence.) We broke up three weeks ago and I’m so broken. I honestly don’t know what to do without him. I want to text him but then I just feel stupid. I want to call him. I want to be by his side. I would’ve waited through whatever he decided to do. I would’ve moved my whole life. I can do my career anywhere. I was going to ask to move to his home state with his mom while he went through training but never got the opportunity since he broke things off. I’ve cried every single day for him. I don’t know what to do with myself. Everything I do reminds me of him. Not only did I loose my boyfriend I lost my best friend. And this kind of pain is something that I’ve never felt before. A broken bone heals I don’t think this ever will. I know we both still love each other but it’s just so hard. I wish that he would show up to my door with flowers and say I’m sorry I’m an idiot. I would take him back in a heart beat. I know I don’t need someone else to make me happy but fuck I was so damn happy with him. The happiest I’ve ever been in my life. He was my person. My forever person. I still think that he is. I still want him to be. The kind of love we had for each other you don’t find often. Some people don’t find it at all. We never fought. We had little disagreement here and there but always talked them out and never went to bed angry. Every time I saw h I got butterflies in my stomach still and felt so secure when I was with him. I’m sorry for ranting. I’ll end it here since it’s already getting pretty long and I’m talking to a bunch of strangers that are probably not going to care much. Thank you to those of you who’ve stuck it out to the end.