So my best friend messages me today to tell me she’s late and might be pregnant.

Here I am 4 months into TTC after just having a baby that took 13 months TTC and I don’t feel happy or excited for her at all. I feel angry. I feel sad. I don’t even know if she is or not but just the thought that she gets pregnant again a few months into a new relationship makes me want to cry.

I’m tired of trying so damn hard every time. My heart breaks every period I get. My husband is just as sad but happy we at least have one daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I am too. I love her with every fiber in my body, but I don’t feel whole yet. I don’t think I’ll feel whole until I have another little one to complete our family. I envy those that get pregnant first time around or on accident. I just want to be one of them.

I feel like no one understands this heartache so thanks for reading if you did. Keep rude comments to yourself if you have them.