Long post

Gonna take this back to Feb 2016. I met my now husband online. Was going through a divorce and I didn’t think we’d become anything more than just sex really, we both did. Everything was great, he’s been my support through it all and I was the same for him as he had just got out of a relationship too. Eventually we started seeing each other more, talking to each other more and suddenly we had a label. He was my boyfriend, me his girlfriend. Come August I did a no no while he was in the shower and went through his texts.This was the first time his phone was left around me as I noticed he always had his phone around him at ALL TIMES and when we were together it was either on silent or flipped over. I really didn’t think I’d find anything but I did. He was talking to his ex still and was trying to get back with her. He got out the shower as I was packing up my things. We talked about it for a bit and I told him to just choose her cuz I wasn’t about to be in another relationship where I’d have to worry about this kinda shit. He assured me it wasn’t gonna happen again, he’d stop answering her calls and texts, deleted and blocked from social media, and ripped up pics of them and letters from her and flushed them down the toilet (all things he decided to do, I didn’t tell him to do any of it). I thought about it and eventually gave in. Fast forward to December, my divorce is finally finalized and we finally have this freedom to be open about our relationship to our friends and family. Then comes January 2017. She’s back. He added her back on Facebook, Instagram. Mind you we weren’t friends on social media at the time but I could still see his friends and whatnot and I asked him about it and he said yea I can’t get rid of her as a friend, I still love her (he states he got love for her when he says this) and he wants her in his life. He saw that it made me upset and instead of simply deleting her, he posts pics of me and cute quotes and whatever...and here she is liking and commenting on all of the posts. No problem. I’m thinking if she’s gonna be a person in his life I gotta accept it but it’s something I just can’t shake the fact that you wanted to be with her just a few months prior. I told him this and he states he thought I was over it. My face 🙄. I let t go. February 2017 he has to leave for training for a month. March 4 he comes back from training and proposes. Obvi, I said yes. March 20th we get married. I finally get he nerve to bring up being friends on fb/ig he says no and I bring her up. Said so it’s okay for you to have her as friends and not your wife? He said yea. So I had to shut that shit down. I said get her off of your shit n he blocked her and he hit her up saying he had to stop talking to her/being friends with her. She called him back a few times but he let it go to vm. She said shit about me like how old is your wife? And she got how many kids? She’s childish. Are you sure you want to be with her? I know your heart and what you truly want. Take it easy. And instead of defending me he just left it. Whatever. Fast forward to September 2017 we move to Germany, he’s to be stationed here for 3 years. October comes and guess who’s back!? Yup. You guessed it. He saw a video on fb that made him think of her and he wanted to apologize to her for how he treated her when they were together and how they broke up. So he messages her on fb. Meanwhile I’m here like you haven’t even apologized to me for putting me through all this shit. Immediately I fell into a depression, became suicidal and feeling just as low as I’ve been in my past marriage. They chat for a bit. Whatever. January 2018 I find out I’m pregnant. Joyous time right? Sure. But he feels the need to tell her too. Omg. I’ve had it. Told him if you’re gonna continue this just do it behind my back like you did before and don’t tell me. And he sure did! Found out he baby’s gender in June. First people he tells is his mom, best friend, and her. I didn’t find out till first week of July. He’s on leave and has been hiding and flipping his phone again so I kinda guess it. Looked at his phone and yup there it is. All she says is congrats or one worded answers back so she’s not really entertaining him from what I saw (if he hasn’t deleted them, I feel like he’s had the time to do so). Anyway I blew up, said I was gonna leave. Of course the same shit he wants me to stay he’ll block her blah blah blah. And ultimately, I said how can you keep doing this to me? You’ve cheated on me with her before have you cheated on me with anyone else ( said this to hurt him). Ohhhh it backfired. He said he has cheated on me multiple times while we were dating, with many other girls. I told him he didn’t give me a chance to decide if I wanted to be with him. He had me believing he was someone else. He said he’s a good man but had made some fucked up choices cuz his ex hurt him. I seriously want to leave him. Does it make a difference that it was back then so I should stay? I know the answer I guess I just need the strength. I need a plan. I need a hypemen and ladies lol I don’t wanna go through this alone.