The past month has been draining. After my third miscarriage in February my OB asked me to do two things: look into Karyotyping and also weight loss surgery. I went into a depression tailspin for a few months, got put on anxiety meds, and then did as he asked.

So, I called his recommended weight loss dr. and scheduled my blood draw for the karyotyping test.

Earlier this month I got the test results back, and boy was I shocked. Screw being worried about having a chromosomaly mosaic baby, I WAS A MOSAIC BABY! Not enough to matter, but enough to make making a normal baby more difficult than it already is.

So, after days of serious mental and emotional breakdown, increased anxiety med doses and meeting with genetic counselor, my period was due. On top of that my mom was coming into town for a big camping trip and I was getting a new boss at work. And then it didn’t come, didn’t come, didn’t come. I contacted my dr. office and they said, “have you been stressed?” My reply, “you think?” They said that’s probably all it was.

So, I chocked it up to stress, backed it up with negative pregnancy tests. “Ok,” I thought, “I’m just late, just stressed, you’ll get it once you’ve relaxed and have gone on vacation.”

So I did that, Mom came, new boss started, my sister announced that she’s 5 weeks pregnant (2nd one in 12 years...), and went camping.

It was great, no WiFi, lots of alcohol, bike riding, shopping, wine tasting, Door County in Wisconsin is awesome. They call it the “Cape Cod” of the Midwest.

Well, two days into the trip, “YES!” I wiped and saw blood. And then, nothing. Head scratcher.

Got home and two days later I remembered, implantation bleeding from my 2nd pregnancy. Duh. Took a test and BAM, pregnant.

What? How? We had sex, I checked my ovulation, but my husband didn’t finish the deed (if you know what I mean). Then I remembered middle school sex ed, “Even pre-cum can have enough sperm to impregnate the egg.” Bingo.

So, back on the rollercoaster of early pregnancy. Due to my history, I’m high risk. And extremely scared. What’s scaring me the most is the little bit of bleeding I’ve been having, all of it only when I wiped, and it has been light pink. My HCG is elevated, and had to have 2nd blood draw to confirm it’s increasing, on a Saturday. I won’t even know the results until Monday. Erg! Dr still doesn’t know if I need to be put on progesterone supplement or not.

So, wake up this morning, wiped, and it’s dark brown. To say I’m freaking out is an understatement.

I just keep thinking what my father-in-law said to me, “one of these times it has to stick.” His Mom said that a lot about things I guess. I agree, one of these times, little baby, you HAVE TO STICK! It has to be normal, or at least mostly like me, and trust me, we want it so bad.

This waiting game sucks. Will I miscarry, AGAIN? 🤔😢