My life is like perfect at the moment and coming together and I like never had this before so I’m having a hard time accepting this. I just had my baby and I’m so beyond happy I’ve literally cried several times because I can’t believe this is real I can’t believe this is really my life now really my baby. I’m engaged me and my fiancé have our own house we have the baby which is the best part of it all. My life is honestly so complete right now and im afraid to be happy like I know I deserve this after everything I’ve been through. From the time I was born until I was ten I had to witness my mom and dad’s abusive relationship and he was a bad alcoholic I always heard them fighting and it really messed me up idk if it has anything to do with why I was so shy in elementary school but I was picked on a lot and made fun of for how I looked braces plus glasses n skinny starting at a very young age all through school I was bullied all the way up until I dropped out so I constantly feel unacceptable and have a lot of confident issues. Starting fifth grade they made fun of my voice so I guess I started being more quiet and the popular kids would like whisper at me n tease about my voice it’s shitty idk why it happened to me then I got a boyfriend tenth grade he would also constantly talk about how skinny I am and cheated on me a bunch with bigger girls and make fun of my voice. Then he came out as gay and that really fucked me up after losing my virginity to him and being with him for so long I never ever expected that shit he was sleeping with his guy bestfriend who he’d always hangout with almost daily our whole relationship. My mom divorced and remarried when I was ten and since then my step dad was horribly mean to me and just mentally abusive he would say stuff when we first met like I’m gonna marry your mom and take her away from you and her yell for ridiculous reasons like if I was sitting on the couch wrong he’d yell at me and I’d constantly have to be sitting upright and proper. My mom new he treated me horrible. He constantly cheats on her and they fight a lot and he stomps around and slams things cabinets doors threw a candle thru the microwave tried to strangle my mom. Called me a whore because I lost my virginity kept making slut jokes Everytime is go out with friends saying I’m probably going to go suck dick again and this one time my mom made hot dogs n hamburgers n I said I wasn’t hungry and he was like well you sure liked so n sos weiner. Then I got into the wrong friend group n was partying and doing pills n smoking weed trying to take the edge off of the things at home and the breakup with the gay ex boyfriend which took forever for me to get over I had my first suicide attempt and the stepdad found out n just kept joking about it he took out a thing of bleach the day I got home from the hospital and was waving it in my face and told me here take a swig. Then a week later he started getting violent. This one night I went to go out for my bestfriends birthday and had done my makeup and he squeezed a soak and wet rag in my face and I called him a douche bag and he slammed me in to the wall and started beating me. This happened like three times over the course of the last month I lived at home with my mom. and then I met my fiancé and it took me forever to believe he really loves me but a week into our relationship I got pregnant and miscarried well I couldn’t miscarry so I had to have a d&c; I had to deal with the fact my baby was dead inside me for over a month. He stuck with me through it all and asked me to move in with him right after my surgery so I did and he kept talking about trying for a baby and we both really wanted one so I got pregnant a month after my surgery and this pregnancy was wonderful everything about it every scan every appointment was perfect my baby actually measured larger than normal two weeks ahead and my birth was wonderful and easy I’m so happy. And everything is perfect we’re planning our wedding but I’m scared to be happy. Because I’ve never had this in my entire life.