I’m can’t do this

I’m praying for death like it’s a good thing. I’m just so tired. So stressed. So over it. What is the fucking point anymore? I’ve failed my first year of college. I have no money. I have parents that don’t support me. A father that makes me feel less because he now knows I’m not a virgin. A narcissistic mother. A boyfriend that I’m not sure actually loves me. All I want is to be loved the way I love. To be supported the way I support others. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I’m sad. I’m so sorry that people hurt me and that I’m like this. I’m so mad at the world for letting bad things happen to me. I’m so mad at those who harassed me. I’m so mad that no one was there when I felt like I was nothing. I’m so mad that I couldn’t tell someone that someone tried to take advantage of me. I’m so mad that person didn’t stop when I said it hurt. I’m so mad and tired and hurt. I can’t. I fucking can’t. I want to leave, but this part inside me tells me there could be hope. But I’m so scared that it’ll be worse if I don’t go. I’m so tired god damn it.