So my baby fever has escalated and I full on want a baby, but my mental health is just starting to stabilize after suicidal thoughts a few months ago. I have a kiddo but my parents adopted him for me because I wasn’t ready to be a mama just yet and I couldn’t be the parent he needed me to be (I got pregnant at 17 and found out I was just weeks after leaving the abusive, potentially deadly relationship so it was just me and my mom the whole time). He’s now almost 4. My mental health played a big part in me not being ready.

Now I’m married and I’m a stable, nonabusive relationship. I want a baby. I told my husband I want one and he said we can’t afford one, but now when he came home and asked about it I pretend not to hear him because I feel stupid for thinking about having a baby when I’ve got the mental health issues I have. Depression, anxiety, depressive bipolar disorder, paranoia. But I’m on the rise and I’ve been doing better, even thought I still have my moments.

I feel like I’m running out of time. I have the implant and it’s messing with my cycle bad, I’ll get 2-3 periods a month, thus losing eggs often. I can’t remember to take the pill, I’ve tried and I missed so many, I feel like I’d forget the patch, but I haven’t tried the depo or iud, and I’m not interested in them either. I’ve got a family history of terrible, unexplained pain from the reproductive area that for my sister and mom has led to a hysterectomy. My sisters was when she was 27, no explanation for the unbearable pain, but the surgery almost killed her. I’m 22, still young, but I fear the longer I wait, the worse my chances of a healthy pregnancy and baby are. I already started experiencing pain that the doctors couldn’t explain since I was 17.

Any advice? Sorry this is long.