A few months ago I went out with a few guys I knew from uni. I had changed meds and didn’t know that one bottle of wine would then be enough to get me drunk.

So I only remember pre-drinks at his, along with vague memories of leaning on him to walk, kissing him and being in his bed.

I woke up the next morning wearing nothing but his football top and my underwear.

I had the vague memory of a kiss so I knew that happened, I had that feeling you have the next morning after having sex. I asked him if we did but he said nothing happened. So I trusted him.

Fast forward a bit, I still thought that maybe something more happened but he won’t admit to it. I then got another memory of me on top of him, when I confronted him about this he said I tried starting something but he pushed me off and told me to stop.

Later though he did admit that his intentions were that night to bring me home to have sex. Which confused me as he originally said he brought me there because I was so drunk, and at what part after carrying a drunk girl home and having her naked in your bed, at what point do you decide she is in fact too drunk?

In the end, he turned out to be a horrible person, which leads me to further believe that he is lying about what happened. He let his workmates refer to me as an “Irish vagina” and never told them to stop that despite me being disgusted at that. Plus the only other guy who was there that night always changes the convo when I try to ask him what happened that night.

I seen a medium last week, now I don’t believe in these things so I went outta curiosity. She turned out to be legit, it was amazing what she could tell me, so I thought I’d bring this up to her and see if she could settle my mind. She told me what I believed was true, and she was able to describe him and how he acted/treated me in recent months.

I don’t really want to admit it, but was I raped?