What does it feel like for me to have 3 pregnancies, 3 miscarriages and 0 live births?

It feels like someone gave me a million dollars only to take it away before I could spend it.

It feels like a punch in the stomach.

It feels like the most exciting news, followed by the worst news.

It feels like you’re waiting in line for a roller coaster, you’re on the coaster, but then it breaks down and you get stuck at the top of the ride.

It feels like I should be a mom to a 9 year old, a 2 month old and due with another in 4 months.

It feels like the unimaginable.

It feels like every child, baby, or pregnancy announcement is a constant reminder of what I don’t have.

It feels like I’m not complete.

It feels like I’ve worked really hard to achieve all my goals and this is one goal I’ll never reach.

It feels like I’m the only one going through this pain and even though I know it happens to other women and couples, it doesn’t feel any better.

It feels like music is playing in the background, but it’s a sad song and I don’t want to hear it.

It feels like trying to reach for the stars but they are too far away.

It feels like your greatest dream is coming true but waking up to an awful nightmare.

It feels like picking out the cutest puppy online only to find out it died before you could bring it home.

It feels like playing the Game of Life but some of the pieces are missing.