how often should a couple have sex? and is it too much to ask for her to come onto you?

Question

this is my first time writing on this so please bare with me. my wife and i probably have sex once or twice a month, and it drive me up the wall. on top of me always being the one to initiate everything. we've talked and talked about it for years now and it'll be ok after we talk about it but give it a week or so and we're right back to square one. advice needed please.

Answer

Just find what normally turns her on and play on it. Life gets super busy between, work, household chores, kids, extra activities, and whatever else you have going on. Compliments always work to, sexually innuendos, maybe something as small as a light touch in the right spot. Come up behind her while she’s doing something, tell her you love her and sensually kiss her neck, shoulder, etc. 
As women we are actually fairly easy to get involved, just appeal to our sensual emotional side.

Answer

To answer your question I dont think there is any right or wrong amount of times to have sex as long as both of you are happy. If there are nights that I am simply not wanting it but my husband does I will still give him oral or something. That is our compromise. But I’d say 80% of the time that ends up turning me on anyway and we end up having sex 😂. There are natural supplements she can take to help her libido too since you mentioned this has been a long term issue.

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Not at all. Men like feeling wanted, too. I’m sure it would be nice for her to initiate. Have you said things like that? That you want her her to take the initiative? If so, what has she said?

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we have 4 kids already and ttc number 5!! but even before we started we would have sex 3-5times a week even sometimes multiple times a day. make it fun! be a little romantic sometimes this helps!

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Ugh I feel you but it’s my husband who’s the exact same way! We have sex 1-2 times a month but I personally would like to daily. He’s not up for it which is fine but I wish he’d compromise to at least once a week! I always am the one who initiates too.

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I think it’s really a turn off when my husband is constantly trying to have sex. Maybe lay off her for a while and she’ll try too.

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I think couples counseling would be a huge assist in helping you guys to communicate. Often times signals get crossed and without knowing what the other person is thinking we can misinterpret their feelings and intentions. A good therapist can help you guys identify what is standing in the way and explore why the physical intimacy isn’t happening as much as you would like.  I swear, my husband could’ve written this a couple of years ago. I cannot say enough how much counseling has helped us in this area.

Answer

Hmm I think some general things that make most women want to be physically intimate: feeling loved & safe, compliments, massages, thoughtful gestures. And some things that do the opposite: discord in the relationship, low self-esteem, feeling exhausted or overworked, not getting affection that’s not sexual. If you’ve got all those covered maybe her libido is low due to organic causes like medications or hormone imbalances. She could ask her doctor and/or you could talk to a counselor together. Have you tried asking her? I guess I would be bothered if my partner didn’t at least want to one or two times per week.

Answer

Well we have a newborn and a three year old so we might not be the be the best example considering our current situation 😆 but normally it’s 1 to 2 times a week. I will say though for a bit we weren’t having sex often because of my hormones (pregnant/postpartum). As far as initiating sex my husband has definitely complained about that before (he wants me to initiate it) I have tried to be better at it because I think he feels I don’t want it as much as he does (which isn’t true) I think I just like someone else being in control in the bedroom. I’d say continue to bring it up to her. Does she notice when you goes go a long time without having it? Does she become more irritable when you guys have a dry spell?

Answer

I think it depends on your personal sex drive. The younger the relationship generally the more you have sex. My SO and I on average maybe 1-2 per week. I have a lower drive than he does, so I understand what you’re talking about. Try to be patient and be intimate in more ways than just sex? Good luck!

how often should a couple have sex? and is it too much to ask for her to come onto you?

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