It hurts...do you think I should post it on fb

Miscarriage....the word most are afraid to talk about and one of the worst words to hear. It’s a subject not talked about yet it’s a time in a persons life where they need friends and family the most. Women afraid to tell their loved ones and friends they are pregnant as soon as they find out because of what could happen in the upcoming weeks. Keeping the pregnancy a secret those weeks is torture. You want to share the news with the world and you want to do those cute announcements and send onesies to family members saying, “you’re a grandpa!” “you’re an aunt!” But you feel like you can’t because you’re afraid you’ll speak too soon and then you will have to break the news that you’re miracle is no more. That’s what I felt like when I first saw those words on that tiny test screen..”Pregnant.” I wanted to tell everyone. I couldn’t wait to plan my future, how I’d tell my parents, my siblings, friends, did I want to know the gender, we need a crib, and so many more just rushed to my head. I was only 3 weeks at the time I found out, too early for ultrasounds and dr appointments, but did get it confirmed that I was through about 3 blood tests. At 5 weeks and 3 days god decided to take my little one home a bit early. I had one picture of a tiny little circle. That’s it. The only picture I’ll ever have of you, the only thing that made you real to the rest of the world. I never got to hold you, to plan your future, to tell you I love you even though we haven’t met, to feel your little kicks, to say I’m sorry I couldn’t do it. I prayed, I cursed, I blamed god for testing my faith. It’s hard. You have everything planned out for the next 9 months and then the rest of your life, then it’s gone. 3 days of misery and pain is all it took for you to disappear, but for me, for those 5 weeks and 3 days you were my everything. I’m still having cravings, I’m still bloated, I’m still having back pain, and dizziness, just like you’re still here. This conversation is hard for so many to have with friends and family. They may not even have it at all because they didn’t tell anyone because it was too early to tell. We as a society have made it a taboo subject and as women we keep it to ourselves, act strong, and try to be normal like nothing is wrong. When in fact everything is. Reach out. Suffering in silence is hard. It’s not just hard for her but for the significant other as well. They may not show it and act strong for their wife, but they suffer too. Reach out. When you tell people, you have a support system, you have people to lean on, people to tell you it’s okay. I wish I told more people. I wish I could’ve celebrated for those short 5 weeks. If anyone ever needs someone to tell, tell me. I’ll be there for your heartache, your cry at 3am when you notice that you rub your belly like you used to, or when you still have cravings and cry because you think it’s so stupid that you have them, and when you just go to the bathroom and cry because you don’t want him to know you aren’t strong. I don’t ever want anyone to feel alone.