It’s been a tough road this summer and I completely fell for my bestfriend.. so I wrote him this letter.. tell me what y’all think.. sorry that it’s a bit long..

Jupiter,

You don’t even know the amount of feelings I’ve been holding in.. my mind and my heart have been both at war with each other since that night at the bar. I don’t know how and I don’t know when but I got the balls to do what I’ve been imagining in my head for quite a while. I know it sucks and that it ain’t fair to some people I refuse to name. But it’s true. It didn’t really start that night. I have had dreams about you before. Kissing you and making love to you. I just never expressed them because, well it wasn’t right. It’s not how you do it. It’s all the years we have had together knowing each other and confiding our secrets. It started a while back ago and i never thought they would ever become real. Since day one I knew what kind of situation I was placing myself in. I knew that me being me I was going to fall for you regardless. And my mind knew better than to do it more than once but my heart and my body wanted more. I never really thought about the consequences that came after. I felt alive and myself with you. Always had! But this was something extra!! I know you don’t like when I say who I am in this situation. But we can’t deny the truth. I am and always have been the side piece. Whether you’d like to hear it or not. And whether I’d like to accept it or not. I always knew I was just that. Regardless of what we both felt after, or how different things were if we sit here and compare other one night stands.. thats who we where to each other.. I learned to accept that when I couldn’t go over your place as freely as I wanted, and how you couldn’t come to mines.. how when I really needed you to be there I couldn’t call because i was afraid to be denied because their would always be someone much more important next to you who took your time if you weren’t to be working. But I also got repeatedly reminded of it all when he would come around on those weekly visits. Every week I was reminded of who you truly were to me and that was much more painful. Because I knew that even running away we would never run far enough. Just by seeing each other in the mirror we wouldn’t be able to look at ourselves the same no matter how good we hid, because we would never hide from ourselves or our sins. I wanted this to be real but I guess it’s too late for that. Your heart belongs to someone you can’t deny it, and my heart belongs to someone else I don’t choose. In another time, another dimension we are together and happy. But not here & not now. I want you to know that if it were up to me I’d be with nobody else but with you. I need you to know that my mind belongs to you because I fall asleep thinking of you and I wake up and you’re the first one to pop into my head.. it’s been like that for a while now. And I’m not sure what’s it going to take to get you out my mind. Because baby you drive me crazy. The good kind of crazy.. I can’t wait for when we cross paths only if it’s for a second. To just say hi or wave at each other from a far. For you to pass by me close enough to where I can smell your scent. I’m not exaggerating, it’s true! I’ve tried looking at the positive side to this. Maybe is so that I won’t cry as much for you as I already have, and I’ve come to the conclusion of you being my 2018 Summer Forbidden Love. It has been a great Summer and a wonderful experience. And if I could repeat it all I would. Because not only was it fun and amazing, but you allowed me to fall in love with my best friend. Something I had never experienced ever in this life, and it’s all thanks to you. Thank You for your words and your shared time. Thank you for those nights and those mornings. Thank you for those hugs and those kisses. Thank you for the love and the sex. Thank You dearly for everything we’ve shared together til this day. I’m not saying bye to my friend but it’s time to say goodbye to my forbidden love. Because I know you and I know myself well enough and we both can’t help but to always choose the other 2 persons involved. I want my old friend back! I truly do. Someone who truly cares about me without worrying about being to harsh and hurting my feelings, someone who doesn’t hide shit from me because he wants me to think that I’m the one and only just to make me feel good. The day you found out you were going to be a father you couldn’t stop telling me how much you needed me in your life and how this friendship truly meant something to you. And how you couldn’t go on with this life without having me as a friend next to you. And I miss that. I know you don’t need me as anything else but that. And I miss being wanted at 100% to you. And I know that’s the only reason you’ll ever need me and it’s ok. Ima be ok. I’m shedding tears because I don’t really want this to be done but life has made me choose this for the best of both of us. And ima give love another shot. And hopefully this time it doesn’t fail me. I just couldn’t start something without finishing this. Or at least letting you think that it meant nothing to me. Til we meet again 🚀🌑✨