Dear M

We've been together since we started school. Same classes and everything. You caught my lil eye in elementary school. That's why I offered you those drawings lessons even though I'm sure you thought I was just being nice. We had a beautiful little "marriage" at recess the same year and "adopted" our son Q even tho we were all the same age 😂. From you writing little notes on my paper, making baby names with me, sneakingly moving closer to me, playing with my hands, or caressing my check in the 6th grade I was smitten. From when you kissed my check to when you came and sat with me whenever I was alone despite your friends picking on you for it. how you let me sit with you at lunch because you knew the girls were mean and I return I always brought you food 😂 To how you'd invite me to watch you play baseball and give me a huge smile when you saw me or giving me your baseball cap without asking because you knew I loved it. Even to a few months ago when you told me how I was beautiful because I didn't like my graduation picture. I love you. We grew apart from reasons that were not entirely our fault but some were. I'm sorry for that. Sorry for not understanding why you couldn't be with me. I get it now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I truly felt about you and settled for being just friends because I felt you didn't feel the same. I could never tell you how when I look in your blue eyes I see not just the ocean but paradise. I feel calm. Or how when you hug me I feel at home and complete. Or how your beautiful brown hair was my favorite thing to play in just so you could fall asleep and I'd envy your long lashes. Our how your country accent was the cutest and funniest thing to me and your laugh always made me laugh even when I was upset. How everytime I see you my instant thought is "there he is" and I feel the need to speak to you even with hundreds of butterflies. I can't tell you this because everytime I've tried I choked and begin to cry over how you hurt me so long ago. I don't think you even know you did. I cant tell you because you have her. The girl who took away my best friend over two years ago. I'm happy you're happy... I just wish it was with me. I know we could never be because our skin color just isn't the same you see. That was always a problem for you but not for me. Yet I still love you. After 10 years I still love you. Even though we never dated I still felt more with you than any bf I've had. I hope you stay happy because you deserve it after all you've been through. I hope you get your dream even if I'm not apart of it. You're the person who will always have my heart. Maybe one day I have the guts to tell you this and maybe it won't be too late. Until then stay safe, be happy, and do what you love. Until we meet again M. I love you.