First off I’m coming here because I trust to get help . So please if you don’t have anything positive, uplifting, comforting, motivational and so forth .. to say .. please keep it to yourself .

I’ve made some really dumb decisions in life . And now at this point I feel lost . I’m going to be honest . I opened my legs to every guy I came across and I got herpes. I went to get tested, test came back negative I even called my doctor to double check . It was a for sure no. I moved on but I began smoking to cope. 6-9 blunts a day I would smoke amongst other people. I stayed out kicking it all day everyday and working to get by . I lost my appetite quickly and lost a lot of weight . I met this guy and fell in love but it’s one of the worst relationships ever. He’s abusive, manipulative, a bully, a cheater, a liar, and just all around a bad person . But I see the good in him too and that pushes me .. he accepted that I have herpes and we both have to live with it . No matter what I know he has my back . But I’m tired . I’m tired of fighting , hurting and being used and abused . But I can’t let go . I battle depression .. and he’s my medicine but also my poison . He knows how to get to me and make me love every inch of him but he also knows how to make me flip and turn into a angry person . I guess in all my situation is what do I do ? We’re five months in .. should I give up or keep trying ? Now I know many of you are upset that I want to try but the reason behind that including what I told you is I’m not perfect . I’ve hit him, said hurtful words, and did shady things too . I’m being honest and I’m lost .. when I’m not with him I feel worthless. I drink and smoke myself crazy and I go drive around wishing to get into a car accident . But even when I’m at my angriest with him I know I can almost rely on him to just hold me and keep me safe . He keeps my mind sane ..