The first 18 years of my life I lived with my mother who has always been affecting my life very negatively. I am not able to focus or anything and now also I’m constantly lying, even to my probably becoming partner and I can’t be myself because I’m scared to be. I moved out when I turned 18 so she is no more affecting that much and I have no contact with her.

I had always scared my mom, that’s why I always lied to her to make things sound better so she wouldn’t get mad at me. Even tho I tried my best she got mad anyways. But this lying and everything else has started to affect my life now very badly. I lie to every people I talk with because I’m scared to be myself. Even around a guy I like, I’m constantly lying bc I’m scared he thinks I’m weird somehow. And that is what I also scare that we will not even be able to date because I have a stress from lying. But then would it be better if I just told the truth?? It’s so difficult for me. Could anyone be help for me here, like seriously I do need help this is the point I’m really asking it. I just realized why I’m always lying but how to make it stop. 😭 I’m crying everyday bc I just lie. I can’t trust anyone so I think that could also be another reason. I trust the guy but I’m still scared. Please, tell me if there’s anyone in here who has been in same kind of a situation.

Another thing is that my friends have affected me so I have no trust in them because they always made fun of me, anything I did when I was younger and still. But I had gotten used to being under one’s toe, my mom.

I eventually lied about not being virgin when I went to bed with this guy and it’s driving me grazy that I lied about such a stupid thing.

Please help me if you can, this is horrible.

I’m updating the thing that much I told my guy about this habit and he’s okay with it and understands. I’m just too scared to lose him bc his personality is so fine really. But he said we’ll discuss this tomorrow after work and told me the heck to go to sleep now. He really just fine, but his trust isn’t also so good bc his earlier relationships haven’t been success and he’s scared of getting betrayed again. That’s why I’m stressing so much. But hope so all goes okay.