Sorry if it’s long, it needs some explanation.

I’ve been with my kids father for 6 years on and off. Pretty much off for only a few months each year. When we got pregnant with my daughter 2 years ago we broke up and got back together before she was born. We moved into the house our parents helped build for us. 3 months later, I left him. I left bc he never helped me with her, he would always be out with his friends and he constantly blamed me for household things not being done (I was working full time and breastfeeding). I moved home with my parents and our daughter. 2 months after we broke up he met a girl Jessica. Jessica is evil. Jessica never once made an effort to be friendly with me. She told me when I met her that I would never be in my ex’s life, and that she was my daughters “new mom”. It broke me. I fell into a serious depression, I never left my parents house. Jessica moved into the house our parents built. Jessica hated that my ex still talked to me, about our child/court situation etc. it was nothing more than that, however, she was threatened by it. They lied about her being pregnant to make me feel badly, they would get family pictures taken to show me I’m not a family anymore. She tried getting me fired from my job, she threatened me with lawsuits, she even would pretend to be my daughters mom. My ex allowed everything. He allowed her to make me fear for my life. She would tell me I was going to “go away”. I stayed single for almost a year, i dated briefly but decided it wasn’t going to work. My ex started to realize life with her wasn’t the best, he would make a notion he wanted to get back together, get my hopes up for a family again, and go right back to her, crushing me, and only making her resent me even more. He proposed to her after only knowing her 6 months. When I learned this, I was devastated. Not only bc he was replacing me, but bc I had been with him for 6 years. I was with him for everything, carried his child and I still didn’t deserve a ring. He had bought one for me, and returned it before we had broken up the most recent time. The ring he proposed to her with, with almost identical to the one he had for me. It killed me thinking I wasn’t good enough for a ring. Jessica even would tell me i pressured him into buying the ring for me, and that he returned it bc he never wanted to get engaged. 6 months post their engagement, he leaves Jessica. He said he saw how crazy she was and that he wanted to fix his family. Jessica moved out of my house and I started staying over there to be a family. We went to couples counseling and things have gotten better. I refused to move back in bc I was so upset someone else lived in the house that was meant for my family. Now, we are still together, living in a small apartment, I’m pregnant again and he has a ring. Everyone asks when we’re going to be engaged and at this point I don’t want to. I feel like for 6 years I wasn’t good enough, I was emotionally abused by his ex fiancé and I was the mother of his kids, but not good enough to make the effort to stay in a relationship with for 6 years (he left when things got hard every time.) to this day, Jessica tries to inquire about my daughter. She has caused me immense anxiety and distress, and the whole situation has given me essentially PTSD, in the way that I’m terrified it’ll all happen again. I have nightmares about it. How can I get over this feeling of never being good enough. When I picture him proposing to me, I get upset knowing he’s already proposed to someone else, someone so much less deserving than me... 😞