Pregnancy stress rant. 😩

On anonymous in case I get hate, but I’m 23 weeks with my second baby which is a boy. I don’t feel the same kind of connection I did with my daughter. I don’t feel any connection at all really. I want to protect him, and I will love him once he is here.

But I don’t want him to be here, I don’t want to be pregnant. I didn’t want to get pregnant again so soon.

My situation makes it very hard to enjoy this pregnancy. There are currently 8 of us in a 3bed, 2bath trailer. We live with my fiancé’s parents. And it was just them, us and our baby for awhile. Then his sister/boyfriend/son moved back in, and they weren’t supposed to stay long but now it looks like they’re staying indefinitely.

Me and his sister have a lot of differences. We just don’t click. And she doesn’t like watching her kid, so when I’m out playing with mine, I have to chase him around to. Being pregnant and chasing your own kid around is exhausting, and trying to watch someone else’s just makes it worse. Even when she’s “watching” him. She doesn’t grab him before he yanks on cords or climbs something he could get hurt on. So I always try to grab him and it just ends up hurting me because I get cramps after I’m done grabbing him and carrying him someplace safer. I even get cramps with my own kid.

My fiancé is working hard to get us out but we owe around $7,500 to family. We used that money to clear extra bills off his credit but most of it came from getting rid of our truck. The dealership would only cover so much, and we borrowed $6,000 from my brothers dad to cover the rest. So we can’t get out until they are paid back because all our extra money goes to them.

And once the second baby comes, money will be even tighter and stress will be even higher.

His sister will either try to be all over the new baby, or trying to play mommy to our first. Because she’s already stepping over lines, and telling us how we should be taking care of her.

It’s just very hard trying to raise a child with so many hands in the pot, and now we are adding another and I just can’t take it. I wish I wasn’t pregnant on a daily basis and that’s not how this should be.