I’m just so tired of the way my family sees me. Especially my mom. I was never truly close to my mom. I was closer to my dad, but he was abusive and left. So I don’t really have any reference on a great parent. All I know is I don’t want to be the same as my parents.

Yesterday we took a trip to the border of Canada and my mom was staying at the casino. We stayed with her in the same hotel room with my 1 year old. Last night for dinner my daughter was already asleep. She is on a strict schedule and my husband and I don’t like to divert from it because it helps us as a family. My daughter wakes up happier with great sleep. My husband gets sleep and so do I.

I told my mom that she’s asleep and that we’ll take turns to go for dinner versus going as a whole crowd. She insisted we go as a whole crowd. So we woke up our daughter and went. My daughter wasn’t happy. She was cranky and she was tired. All she wanted to do was sleep. I tried to feed her. I tried to walk around the restaurant, but she wasn’t having it. My mom, of course wanted to take her from me so I could eat. I didn’t want her taking my child so I could eat. So my husband held our daughter and tried. Then my husband couldn’t, so my mom tried to take our daughter and she did. They walked around outside of the restaurant.

I lost it on my mom’s girlfriend. I told her I don’t understand why she wanted my daughter out. I don’t understand why my mom wanted to wake my child up from her sleep to have a dinner my daughter can’t participate in. I don’t understand what she was thinking, especially since my mom knew my daughter barely slept at all the whole day. I don’t understand why my mom would shame me for my daughter not napping because she wanted to take in the sights. I don’t understand.

So we had a horrible dinner with my daughter and I sent a text to my mom on how I felt. I should have stood my ground. I should have let my daughter sleep. I didn’t even enjoy the dinner. I didn’t even enjoy the company. I just should have let my daughter sleep.

The dinner was at 8PM. My daughter didn’t go back to sleep till midnight and she randomly woke up at 4AM and cried.

This morning I wake up at 5AM and all her stuff and her girlfriend’s stuff is gone. So I’m even more pissed now.

I’m always the villain.

It sucks ‘cause I planned for a family trip. I planned to way around and see the sights with them. I planned to go cherry picking. I planned for family activities. I’m just so disappointed I got my hopes up. I just so tired of being the bad guy.