I really need to get this out as it's the 2nd anniversary since it happened and I've never been able to tell anyone outside of therapy. 2 years ago I tried, and (temporarily) succeeded in killing myself. I was very depressed for a while and currently had an eating disorder where I just wouldn't eat. After starving myself for a couple months I decided that wasn't moving fast enough, so I took about 3 months worth of lithium and zolpidem. This resulted in me having a big seizure and leaving me dead. I remember taking the pills and laying down for a nap as I was suddenly exhausted (obviously from the pills but in that state I wasnt thinking). I remember feeling like I was falling through the earth as I fell asleep and dropped into darkness. Just black all around me. I was terrified, but didn't know what of. I tried to run but my feet wouldn't move. I tried to scream but no matter how hard I screamed, no noise came out. I felt a numbness run over me and I was suddenly calm. I laid down and finally starting hearing voices, but they we're distant. Kinda like echoes in a cave. Then came pain. At first it was everywhere, like all my blood was change with acid, while simultaneously being ripped apart. Then in my chest. I heard a voice say "breathe!" but it wasn't like a normal voice, it was distorted and felt frightened. I tried to remember how to breathe but couldn't. Then another wave of pain in my chest (I later learned it was from them trying to bring me back). I remember jerking awake just like in the movies. My heart racing as I try to figure out breathing while panicking in my disoriented state. I apparently tried to run and ended up screaming at nurses (I don't remember this). When I finally started to realize what was happening, it was three days later and I had mild restraints on since I tried to run. I spent the next 2 months between in and out patient treatment. I just wanted to pretend it didn't happen. It still scares me to this day, and I often have night terrors being back in the dark. I manage with my medicines and and happy to say I've gotten past my suicidal issues with a lot of work. But I will never forget what it felt like being dead. I don't believe in heaven or hell but know I wasn't safe or happy where I went.