So coming from a Vietnamese immigrant family I never thought I’d live to see one of my relatives from Vietnam come over on a Visa. Buuuttt it’s happening and sometime this or next month my cousin will be coming over but will be doing her interview tomorrow. I’m super happy for her but at the same time I’m nervous and really stressed about it because she’ll be living with us and I’ll finally be able to have a sister like figure in the family who I’ll be able to talk to.

Anyways for the past month i would help her out on answering some of the questions an agent sent for her and I’ve spent a good couple of hours doing high school level responses for her in the summer (only for my family will I ever do anything school related on my break😂). And yes my cousin’s family hired an agent to help her prepare and in the package they receive practice questions which I have answered for her.

Not a big deal but I’m mostly worried about visa fraud. If she lets anything slip accidentally during the interview it would mean that the small fortune her family pooled up for her to study here would be completely wasted and I wouldn’t be able to have the sister I’ve always wanted.

Now fast forwarding to today I just had a complete melt down. Idk why I want to blame it on something right now like the good old “I’m in my period” but I know that’s stupid and wrong and maybe I’m just out of it today🤷🏻‍♀️. But today I just let my mom hear it all. I just told her I’m worried about her and I know my cousin’s English isn’t the best but because my mom pushed it so hard on me to help her and I put so much work into those questions...I made a big deal out of the fact that I want her to be ready for more than what the agent gave her. Can you blame me for that? The people who are going to interview her are obviously going to ask more than what she was prepared for and I want to make sure she’s ready for any follow ups. But I guess I pushed it too far. My mom eventually just had enough of me talking but at the time I couldn’t see that she just wanted me to stop so I just kept going.

She took it as me talking back. Then she started yelling at me telling me that it’s not my job and I shouldn’t be worried about it. And I just kept telling her that if it wasn’t my job in the first place why get me involved at all? Why would she make me stay up until 2 in the morning to read the questions to my cousin while she was sleeping and make me answer those questions for her? I’m scared that I’m going to be responsible for destroying my cousin’s dreams guys. I started crying and I just wanted my mom to listen to me because for some darn reason I felt so incredibly uneasy and I just wanted some kind of comfort. But my mom didn’t give that to me. She started telling me that my attitude should be watched and that I should respect her instead of raising my voice (which I hadn’t noticed was happening through tears!).

Suddenly I just got angry. Like my mom didn’t see the anxiety I was going through so I switched my sadness into anger. I just thought about why my mom wasn’t trying to listen to me and why is she telling me that I should fix my attitude? I wanted to tell her that with the way things are tomorrow’s interview isn’t looking so bright but instead of repeating that again I told her instead that this was her fault. If she didn’t make me help her in the first place I would’ve been able to just wait until the day I could come home to see my cousin already in the living room. But no I spent late nights and early morning helping my cousin because of my love for her and he fact my mom forced me to. I spent my afternoons fixing up her answers and spent hours on Facebook video call to help her hear my voice so she’d understand how words are spoken. I don’t really remember much of what I said but I stopped when my moms got so angry that from the couch (with my sitting next to her on the floor) she kicked me. When I asked her why she did it she hit me. She only then told me after that she wanted me to be quiet. That none of it was my job and I should respect her instead of telling her how I felt.

That’s when I really broke down. She never went as far before as to kicking me and honestly it didn’t hurt physically but my heart felt like it just cracked. She honestly didn’t see the point I was trying to make and only saw a child the whole time yelling at her and talking back. Now she isn’t an abuser and she’s normally loving but for when it mattered for me emotionally to need a shoulder to lean on she never really supported me. Oh and my dad thought the true resolution to things would be for us both to just stop talking...which would’ve worked if my mom hadn’t kept saying that I was disrespectful.

Honestly I don’t know why I’m going to post this. I just felt like I needed someone to hear me out because it looks like... well my mom definitely won’t be that someone. Plus you ladies on <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> are more supportive than all of my sports bras combined hahaha... and I know they’re just words and I don’t Really know any of y’all but I definitely need a little bit of a “cheer up” treatment.