I just found out this past Wednesday (7/18) that my baby’s heart had stopped. At my ultrasound, the baby was perfectly fine. Sleep until the ultrasound tech woke him up, moving and kicking about. Then out of nowhere, he’s gone. I started taking a pill (miso something) Friday (7/20) around 11 a.m. to open my cervix since I opted for the d&c; but my cervix was still closed. I wasn’t prepared for what would happen in those next few hours. I started cramping REALLY bad around 1, to the point where I couldn’t walk. My husband and dad had to literally carry me to the bathtub (I wanted to soak in hot water to alleviate the cramps a bit) and after I got out of the tub, I laid on the bed. All of a sudden I felt a gush of fluid that I presumed to be blood. I literally crawled to the bathroom (my husband was outside with my dad at this point, my dad was leaving to go home) and realized my water had broken. As soon as I realized that, I felt the need to push. Out came my baby into my toilet. I sat there for a minute, in a daze. Then somehow I gathered the strength to get to our bedroom window to bang on it (to get my husband’s attention). When I finally did, he ran back into the house. I asked him to get the baby out of the toilet because I just couldn’t do it. He picked the baby up, and I asked to hold him. That’s when I checked to see what the baby was. It was a boy. Our first boy together. I already had a son of my own before I met my husband. We put the baby in a plastic bag, I cleaned my purse out and put him in there. Thankfully we live up the street from the local hospital. I wasn’t able to walk, so a security guard grabbed a wheelchair for me and they took me straight to the back. By this time I had soaked both of the overnight pads I had just put on not even 5 minutes prior to getting there. Then I started passing HUGE blood clots, and losing more blood than I even thought I could from down there. I remember being extremely weak and lightheaded, and at some point I fainted and hit my head on one of the bed rails on the bed at the hospital. They told my husband I was hemorrhaging and rushed me into surgery. I had to have a blood transfusion, a head trauma scan, and I ended up spending the night in Labor & Delivery....with the crib in the room and all. I didn’t know any of this because I was unconscious, but when I came to I was hysterical. I had the sweetest nurse named Rae. Not sure if it was her real name or shortened, but I seriously want to send her a thank you basket or something. I had the most traumatic experience of my life this past Friday. I’m still light headed, my whole body is sore, and I have no clue how I’ll tell my son that his baby brother didn’t make it. He was so excited to become a big brother (he’s 5). I’m just glad that I didn’t die. I’m guessing my d&c; went well since I’m not in pain in my stomach area anymore. I’m just ready to feel like myself again.

We named him Kaisen Micah. My husband’s name is Kristen, and since he didn’t make it we decided not to make him a junior. He had the biggest little cute tummy that I never got to kiss. 😞💔

I wore a glove so that if the hospital had to run tests, I wouldn’t have affected anything.

Sorry for this post being so long, I just had to get it out.