WARNING: The pictures attached are graphic to some!

Its taken me a really long time to finally talk about all the details of my miscarriage openly. But what happened to me is one of the most traumatizing things that I've ever experienced and I feel like I need to get this out & share it. Maybe itll bring awareness to how shitty doctors are & how horrible they treated me while/ after I lost the baby. Please read all of it to understand.

It was December 7th one week before I lost the baby. I had been feeling cramps that I thought was gas for a couple hours & while at a friends house I

started bleeding about as much as I would on a heavy period. I was taken to the ER by a friend. They checked my cervix & did an ultra sound. Baby was fine. So I was sent home & told "you may or may not be losing the baby, we can't tell". No answers.

A couple days go by with no more bleeding. Its December 12th now and I'm I'm so much pain in my lower back. No bleeding. The pain gets to the point of unbearable and I asked my family to take me to the ER again. I complained to the docs about the pain so much they pumped me with Morphine. Told me its fine for the baby. Then they took an ultra sound/ checked my cervix again. Baby was still fine, moving! Heart beat. Baby was great. At this point I thought maybe the pain wasnt baby related.. But the doctors made me leave because the baby was fine & again. No answers.

The next two days were the worst. December 13/14th the pain has gone away but later in the day I started literally pushing out giant blood clots. Tons of them!

This didn't stop for hours. I was told by the ER to go back if that happened. So I went back! The ultra sound was first & the baby was fine! Moving around & very alive. Next thing they did was a pelvic exam to check my cervix. This is when a man came in & started looking at my cervix & telling me I had a lot of blood clots covering it. So he starts tugging & ripping off just piles of blood clots. This is when my pain started rushing in. The second he started ripping at my cervix, I was in excruciating pain. He noticed this & still looked at me & said "we are going to start your discharge now". I was immediately led to a room full of ER patients waiting to be discharged; my step sister with me. At this point the pain is so bad I can not sit down.. I laid on the ER floor for a while screaming in pain I tried moving around and trying different positions, nothing helped. I begged the nurse the get the doctor. He came over and said there was nothing he could do and that I was fine because the baby was fine. But I was convinced that if Im not misccariaging. Maybe a kidney is failing? My back is giving out?? I had no idea. I just knew I was in the worst pain of my life crying & screaming on a ER ground. The nurse came over to me. Looked me in my face and said "you just want pain medicine".. I begged her to just find out what was wrong. They made me leave the ER. The pain only got worse. I get in the car with my dad, step mom & step sister. My dad was confused cause I went into the ER with no pain an now I'm in his car in complete agony. About 10 minutes into the drive home I felt some pressure in my vagina & something coming out of me. I was in so much pain & shock. I choked on my own spit & coughed.. Thats when I felt what felt like a orange.. Come out of my vagina. I was so confused. All i could do was scream. I couldnt grab whatever it was. I was to scared.. I genuinely thought it was a tumor. Because 20 minutes ago my baby was fine and moving and the doctors told me I was fine.. So it couldn't be the baby.. Right?

We get home. I still have this ball just sitting in my pants. I told my step sister to come with me & that i needed her to grab whatever it was.. I pull down my pants, eyes closed and grab the orange sized ball. I hand her it still eyes closed & she grabs it. I ask her if its the baby.. I look down at her face and i knew by the look she had.. It was. She ran out of the bathroom with him.

I lost the baby 20 minutes after a doctor told me I was fine & my baby was fine.

If all that was not bad enough. My family makes me go back to a different ER cause I'm gushing blood non stop. We brought the baby because we feared they wouldn't believe what had happened. They rushed me back immediately because my heart was racing & my blood pressure was so high I border line having a stroke. They took the baby. (My sister was able to take the pictures for me, of him before they did). Hours later & lots of morphine later a doctor walks in and says "Ive heard you want your fetus back" .. A very tired & on lots of pain meds me was so distraught as to why he acted so confused by me wanting my child? I told him yes. I want to take him home and burry him. He said "why? Thats not an actual baby".. He made me feel crazy for wanting to take the baby. He told me the baby would be picked apart for tests. I said HELL NO.. I eventually argued with him long enough they signed a release to give me the baby back.. All this time in that hospital a D&C; wasnt offered. No ultra sound was done. They gave me pain meds and argued with me about getting the baby back..

Two different hospitals.. Neither of them could help me or treat me with any sort of respect. None of the doctors could give me any answers. It was traumatizing..