So I’m posting this because maybe it will help, at least I’m hoping that it will. Nearly 6 years ago I started dating this adorable guy. He was sweet and charming and everything I wanted. Turns out he wasn’t though. We dated for over 3 years and it was a rocky relationship, but we loved each other, or so I thought. He was my first almost everything even though I was 20. His ex was always in the picture because they had been friends since they were 12 (he was 24-27 while we dated). I didn’t want to make him choose between us no matter how many times she and I got into because I was afraid that he would choose her and I didn’t want to lose him so I endured. But he would always take her side on almost everything. I would get literal panic attacks when she would come around, not because I was afraid of her but because I hated confrontation and if she was there then it was almost certain. His family loved her and hated me from the get go and i still have no idea why. They invited her to every single family function we ever went. His nephew who was only slightly younger than me was the only one who liked me and told me they did this just to upset me. Like who does that? I would also find texts between him and this other girl (they came in while we were trying to sleep one night and I checked because we had the same text tone, he was already asleep, and since it was semi flirty I read them). He claimed that she was a lesbian and had a girlfriend so I shouldn’t be worried because they were just friends. So I let it go. We were always fighting especially later on in the relationship and every fight except maybe a handful was about his “crazy” ex. She actually stalked my jobs for those three years. After just over two years I had family problems and had to move in with him and his 5 roommates. Once we lived together he would always take my car since he didn’t have one. I was so miserable that once my work friends started coming over to our house for parties I was drinking almost to the point of being blackout drunk. And this usually happened 2-3 tomes a week or more. He became friends with these work people too so he was cool with it. As the fighting got worse a bisexual girl at work that i was friends with and came to every party started kissing me and making out. (He had no problem with this only saying that if anything ever happened more than kissing that he wanted to be there) well after three months of just making out a lot at every party we finally decided drunkenly to hook up (she only did me) and he was in the room no biggie. Was excited wanted to join in next time. About a month later we get into a huge fight and he rakes his hand along the dresser and knocks all the knickknacks off of it including a lightweight plastic flower vase and walks out slamming the door. I am yelling at him pick up the vase and throw it, well as it leaves my hand he opens the door back up and it bumps him in the chest getting a little water on him. He’s furious and takes it pushes me to the bed and pours the last of the water on my head as he’s on top of me and leaves again. At this point I yell that I’m done. But having nowhere to go I started making plans and saving up to move out and leave because nobody lays their hands on me. Well he beats me to the punch not even two weeks later and texted me while I was at work in the middle of my shift about how he can only see me as a friend. Like you couldn’t wait till after I get home to tell me this shit?!?! I was more worried about a place to live than his sorry ass but still somewhat saddened because he did start out as such a nice guy. After I move (couple days later) I found out he was already dating a girl with a kid (at the 3 year anniversary he told me that he never wanted kids or to get married that he just told me what he thought I wanted to hear). So he was cheating on me, but that’s not it he also slept with his ex until I moved in, the lesbian girl I “didn’t have to worry about”, his roommate’s girlfriend, and one of the lesbians he lived with. And that’s just the ones I know about. He also told me that he never loved me and that I was just a great lay and that he truly wished I was dead. It’s not until I took a step back that I realized how emotionally and verbally abusive he actually was. He told every single person we were friends with that he found out from my work friends that I had been cheating on him. Like excuse me??!! Which caused me all of my friends. Now I’ve been dating this actually nice guy for 2 and a half years but I still from time to time find myself screwed up thinking well what if he doesn’t actually love me, what if he’s going to leave me, what if he’s cheating too? Though I know that none of my fears are founded I feel like my ex has just royally screwed me up so bad mentally and I have to work really hard not to let myself believe any of it though it’s really hard sometimes. Thank you all for reading I really need to get that off my chest.