Recently my partner has been becoming violent during arguments. He started by slamming fists into tables, then throwing things, then smashing his fists into glass in an attempt to smash them. Every time I bring it up after our fights, he claims “I do it to shut you up so you’ll listen to me.” I told him these tendencies are going to lead to physical violence one day, and I’m not going to stick around for that.

A week ago, he raised a fist to me, giving the same excuse of shutting me up. I told him this is exactly what I predicted - it’s escalating. He told me he would never actually hurt me, and I asked “Then why use your fist at all?” - same excuse: “Because I knew it would shut you up.”

After this event, I tried to flee the situation as I an wont to do (I flee fights when they become too emotionally charged, and he KNOWS that). He blocked me and refused to let me pass. I bull rushed him in an attempt to get past him. He called me out, saying “Why are you allowed to abuse me, but I’m a monster if I touch you?”

MY QUESTION

Was it abuse for me to push him to run away? Are we both heading towards abuse, or is he just twisting facts to blame me and make me feel sorry for him?

I don’t want your advice about getting away from the relationship or any of that crap. We’re working on ways to make our arguments more peaceful already, and hopefully it will result in better communication and fewer fights.