Feeling guilty of being jealous

Every day, people I either know or see on this app fall pregnant when it's not wanted and I'm left feeling bitter over it. I don't want to feel jealous of their gift of a child, but I sit and think about my two babies that I will never meet, the ones I cry over every week, wonder if I'll ever be able to have children. I visit doctors monthly for more answers, take this medication and then that one and then this vitamin, and still reply to these people with a "congratulations."

I have begged, prayed, cried to god for my babies back. I have asked over and over when is it going to be my time? When will this pain end? I feel hopeless and selfish for even thinking this way, but I am heartbroken.