Let me preface this with the following: I am not looking for advice, I am not looking for judgement, I am not looking for anything. I am just looking to put this out into the world, hoping that it frees my soul in some way.

Today...right now I’m sitting at my cousin’s kitchen table in Georgia. I by the way am from Texas. I haven’t seen her in almost 3 years. We have always been really close since we were young. As overjoyed as I am to be sitting here, because SHE has always been the one who sticks by my side, I should have been somewhere else.

But today, life is nothing like I would have ever imagined it to be.

Today....I am a few weeks past the day a year ago that my husband came home and decided that he was going to move out. He was going to leave me, our son, and our daughter a few weeks shy of our 8 yr anniversary.

Today...I am a week past the day a year ago that I found out my husband was cheating on me with a coworker. Not only that he had cheated, but that she was pregnant. This woman who I had warned him about from the first time I met her. This woman who still with a smile gladly attended my children’s birthday parties, waved at me in The parking lot, was interested in my small business, and would invite us to her children’s functions. Yes, I know it takes “two to tango”, but as a woman how did she not have more respect for herself, me, her daughter, or mine.

Today....I am a few days past the day a year ago that I found out my step son was conceived on our family vacation. You see I was still working and I was going to meet them a few days into our trip. I also found out unfortunately, that instead of keeping our children away from his indiscretion, that my husband chose to take them around her prior to their night at her hotel. They have never made the connection of that day to seeing her before, but I do see where my 5 yr old daughter has confusion in her recollection of that day.

Today....has been 7 months from the day that I found out I was pregnant. A day that I thought would never happen and took everyone by surprise. The last thing I thought would happen in the midst of my separation and beginning of our reconciliation was that little bean. I had given up on ever having a child again with my husband because we had “tried” for so long prior to that. Well atleast I thought.

Today...my step son is a little over 4 months old. He is adorable. His mom has made things difficult at times. Initially not wanting me to be around him because I might do something to him. Not wanting to let my family around him for the same reason. To which I said, “that says more about you, then it does about me”. It always feels like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Today...my husband and I have been back together for 9 months and living together for 5 months. We have moved closer to our jobs and are just trying to enjoy our new lives together.

Today...I am a week shy of my 9 year anniversary and I am proud of that. Because despite everything that could and should have broken my marriage, we are still here trying our best to make it work. Me choosing to stay doesn’t make me weak or disrespect/devalue myself.

Today...My heart will be breaking inside.I was supposed to be in a hospital today bringing my beautiful son into this world. But 5 months ago I delivered my son in my home at a little shy of 16 weeks. We stayed attached for 3 hrs because of his umbilical cord.