I need somewhere to vent and would like to hear any encouraging stories or advice. And this is long, but I’m hoping to see some helpful stories or something.

I was recently diagnosed with PCOS in April, however, it was assumed and pretty obvious I’ve had it for awhile. But no doctor would actually help me to figure it out. So I finally got a chance to see a fertility specialist in April after trying for 2.5 years with no luck. The doctor literally diagnosed me in 10 minutes. Well, anyway, he set me up for some lab work and told me to come back after I’d finished my next cycle. I thought it would be months before I got back there. But, about an hour after the appointment and the blood draw, I get a concerned phone call from my doctor asking how I’m still up and walking around with a hemoglobin level of 6.5. Generally a healthy adult female should be between 12-15. I have a condition called Thalasemia Minor, so low is normal, but not 6.5. So he asked me to call my clinic to see what they’d prefer. I ended up staying the night in the hospital and getting intravenous iron, in hopes it would fix things. It did not, and the next morning I got two units of blood. The normal healthy body holds about 4, I was told. I was also told I have anemia and the realization that I have two blood disorders that don’t mix well.

Well, then my period started right after i left the hospital! I was so happy because I thought maybe things would move in the right direction. I got my tests done even though my bleeding continued for 3 weeks. I went back to the doctor FINALLY for a follow up. He then told me that I needed to schedule another appointment and would not be getting any kind of plan or medication that day. I was pretty crushed but I scheduled my HSG Scan and moved on.

The day of my HSG appointment, I get to the clinic and am terrified from all of the horror stories I’ve heard. But I calm down after talking with one of the nurses and a really nice patient who was waiting on the same thing. I get in there and I’m like, “okay, this will be over before ya know it and then I’ll be able to move to the next step!” Well, that was quickly squashed when they couldn’t tell if my left tube was actually opened. There were 3 separate doctors looking at my pictures and they were like “well, this might be the case but we don’t know” and told me to schedule my follow up after the told me that even though my tube could be blocked I only need one to get pregnant. I had started crying because it just was such a shock. I had no reason to believe I had any blocked tubes, they’d NEVER seen them on an ultrasound. Well, the next appointment was three weeks away. And in that 3 weeks, I was able to convince myself that there was probably no hydrosalpinx, or blocked tube, and that it was just because the due from the right side went a little too fast.

Fast forward to my follow up. Doc tells me that they need to repeat the HSG Scan or do a Laparoscopy. They highly recommended the Laparoscopy to be sure though. He tells me that I’m allowed to try with Letrozole first for a few months, but if I’m not pregnant I need to come back for the surgery. My husband and I decide to try for a few months and they send me on my way with Provera to start my period which had been missing since April (it was end of June) and the lowest dose of Letrozole, 2.5.

I schedule my appointment to start monitoring my follicles to see if it the medication worked. I was nervous but excited to see. And the doctor told us that there was a very large, mature follicle and that he’d give us the trigger shot to take home! And he asks “do you mind if I bring the other doctor in here to get her opinion?” Well sure, what am I gonna say, no? But I’m over the moon at this point. There was a mature follicle! The Letrozole worked!! My husband and I can hardly believe it! The other doc comes in and says “oh, there’s the hydro” UM WHAT? That was literally never seen on an ultrasound previously and that definitely knocked my good mood down. They talk to me a little bit about it the Laparoscopy again and I’m like “what about what the other doctor told me? Can I still try for a few months” they tell me that I can, which is great because I have a mature follicle! They sent me to the lab for more blood work to confirm though.

Skip to the next day, after I’ve been thinking about taking the trigger shot and how exciting it will be and I get a call from the doctor. The minute I answer the phone I can tell it’s bad news. He says “I’m sorry, I what I saw was a cyst. Not a follicle. Come back on Thursday so we can see if anything has grown.”

I go back, after two LONNNNNG days in between my two appointments. Still nothing. My body did not respond at all. So after considering in those two long days, what to do, I come to my decision with my husband to stop the medication and just get the Laparoscopy out of the way. The doctor agrees and said that I will need to go on birth control and they will continue everything after the surgery.

At 24, with absolutely NO explanation as to why I have this hydro, I’m about to lose one of my fallopian tubes. Truthfully, I’m devastated because I didn’t think it was going to be like this. I didn’t think it would be easy, but we were starting young! I thought we were going to be able to get the ball rolling and we’d be a little lucky! But instead, I just feel like it’s been roadblock after roadblock and I’m starting to worry. Is this ever going to happen? Will I ever get to have a baby?! I am totally okay with adoption, but I just didn’t realize that I’d be thinking about it so soon. I thought that it would be a few years down the road and I didn’t expect to be faced with having one tube, and that’s if they find nothing wrong with that one. Because they can’t explain the hydro, they say I’m at a greater risk for another one even after the surgery. So I’m just a little anxious over it all.

I do know that a lot of women have been trying longer, and their problems are much greater. But I just didn’t expect this. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but this is just crazier than I expected. Maybe it’s not our time, but I can tell you that this is all that I want. So I don’t know anymore. I know that it’s all about timing and maybe it’s just not there yet, but I don’t want to wait anymore.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.