I am a mom of two and 1 in the way me and my husband have gone through a lot more of me because of him from verbal abuse to getting put down and left in my hardest situations I have always made excuses saying he had it hard as a child never had his dad around but then we split for some time and I saw a guy and had sex with this man I was not in love it was just out of so much hurt and anger I had that my husband didn’t see what he had until I was leaving and he begged and said he loved me but I couldn’t believe he had Waited 7 years to do that and see me leave ... it felt fake and infuriating ... he would still come around pick up the kids and talk to me once I saw that the man I was seeing quote less then a week is not what I needed neither I ended things .... I kept working at myself and my husband and me had reconnected and tried things again ...things were amazing !!!! I realized how much I loved him and how blinded I was due to his behavior I had gone into shield mode .... we conceived our third and it was going great until this man contacted him and told him what I had done with him but actually even went and told his family his mom and aunt and cousin my husband left that afternoon and came back home that night crushed and ruined we talked he slapped me twice hard ! I felt like I deserved it he stayed he said he had no where to go 2 months forward this man made up lies to as me seeing him still when he was at home which I have proven its not true I got logs of calls and texts I have talked to my husband have asked for forgiveness and a chance but he has spit on my face made fun of me crushed me thrown me down I currently have major heart problems and my daughter has heart problems and are monitoring her he has told me to die that he doesn’t want nor can get himself to care for his child because of what I did ?! He doesn’t wanna know the gender nor ask anything he’ll fell my belly but then say something hurtful or stupid he says he doesn’t love me never will he can’t get himself to ! He says if it’s a girl it sucks and is bullshit he says I don’t deserve a chance but I want one and feel like I deserve one I’ve gone through a lot and still am and alone while doing it with my two kids it makes me angry and sad that I still love him and he takes me for granted and makes fun of me ... I’ve begged and asked for chances he says he’s tried for a day but can’t I seeked a therapist but I’m loosing it mamas 😣I’m sad depressed scared Angry and so hurt he says he wants a divorce then he says split up then he says let things fall into place ... stop asking or begging it’s annoying but I can’t help it my mind and heart are screaming I wanna die sometimes I feel like a shitty ass person and after all this ... you guys might say leave but I can’t get myself to it idk what I’m scared of being alone or him not looking for me being happy I don’t know I just feel so sad and alone

I get iron infusions done

I have to see a heart specialist

My daughter has heart problems in my stomach

And they did a bone marrow to rule out cancer on me and he doesn’t even care he says he can’t get himself too or that I’ll be dying alone

But I still clean cook for him he still wants sex walks away once hes done I’m lucky if I get a hug or a kiss idk what I’m doing anymore