I am writing this post the day after I was told my baby had no heart beat at 8week, 5 day scan. I was lucky enough to get pregnant on my first round of <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> after 4 years of trying everything else you could possibly imagine.
My pregnancy had some scares I had a bleed at 5 weeks but all was fine. My consultant was considered the heart beat was a bit slow but it continued. Last week all looked good. On Monday I just felt different I felt like something had happened. When I went for my scan yesterday my consultant confirmed it. He advised me to stop taking my medication and I should pass the baby naturally. Which I am still waiting to do.
My heart is broken. I felt like finally there was light at the end of the tunnel. All those negatives and let downs over the past 4 years were worth it because finally I had what I was looking for. Now to have it snatched away feels so cruel. I feel like such a failure, I feel embarrassed, I feel like it’s my fault.
To make matters worse about 3 people I work with are over 20 weeks pregnant and the thought of facing them makes me feel horrible. That with the fact a few people knew about my pregnancy at work.
I’m sorry if this post sounds really negative. I am just trying to come to terms with what happened. I am sick of being strong and brave and picking myself back up.
How can I pick myself up again? What is the best way to heal? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.