To chill myself out right now, I’m gonna talk about my dog Charlie that I avoided thinking about for years.

My sweet baby, he was my emotional support animal. I took him with me everywhere. He was a comfort to me in really bad times.

He was perfectly fine until one night he started peeing straight blood and swelled up huge. I took him to the animal hospital and they took him overnight. He was fine the day after but I took him to the vet for tests and they couldn’t find anything wrong with him. Then he swelled up again and I took him straight to the vet and they kept him over night and did more tests and nothing.

So I kept going back to the vet over and over trying to get an answer. Finally they found out that he had a shunt in his liver?

And he ultimately needed surgery that costed 3k

I was 18 years old. I did not have a spare 3k, and I just spent probably over a grand on his vet care. I used all of the money I had saved up over the years for his vet stays and visits.

So I made a plan with the vet, he was going to be put on a special diet to manage it and I was going to contact the Bella foundation for help and try to save money for his surgery.

The next day he was gone. I left for work, I left him at my moms house so she could watch him and an hour after I left he swelled up so she picked him up and put him in her car and drove to the animal hospital and even on the way calling them telling them what was happening. He died before my mom could get him into the door. I literally could not handle it. I couldn’t, I felt like it was my fault for not doing enough to save my dog. I felt like I could have done more. It broke my heart.

I couldn’t look at pictures of him I felt like in a way I let him die. I was ashamed and felt very guilty. This dog meant the world to me.

But now that I’ve mourned it all out of my system I can look at pictures and be okay with it. I did everything I could, I took him to the vet until I got an answer and I tried. The vet tried. Some things we just can’t control. These things happen sometimes and he knew he was a loved doggo. I’m at peace with myself, I miss my dog and it’s okay.

Rip to my best little doggo Charlie. You were a cool little dude.

Here’s more pictures because I love him.

This was the first night of his life with me.

And this was the last ❤️ he slept in my arms like a baby