So i’m 18 weeks and 5 days and this whole pregnancy i haven’t really been able to save money or buy anything for the baby. my job only gives me 25 hours max and no one is hiring by me, and those who are choose high schoolers over me because i am pregnant. so anyways back in may i got pulled over for speeding, going 20mph over the speed limit, mind you i was only going with the flow of the traffic but I was the only one to get pulled over. When the police officer came back with my ticket he said i had to go to court for excessive speeding, which in hawaii is 30 mph over the speed limit. so of course i was extremely upset my court date was a month away i went then they told me i had to get a lawyer for traffic court. so i get a public defender and get my next court date, A MONTH AWAY! so two months later i go to court i get my license taken away i have to do 36 hours of community service and pay $637. BUT when i went to court they only said $500 so i’m a little upset about that. I got a letter from the state saying i need proof of financial stability, meaning i need to give the state $25,000 or give up my license for 3 more years. Which is completely unfair! I am 18 and am literally living pay check to pay check and i haven’t really been able to use any of my money because its all going towards my fucking fine!

My boyfriend and i live with his dad, who lives his his parents. (mind you my boyfriend is only 17 who was working 40 hours a week but got cut to 15 hours due to not enough business coming in) so this situation is a little more fucked up than you’d think. keep in mine my boyfriend is very mature and can take care of himself.

so one night my boyfriend and i were having a conversation i was asking what he wanted to do when we move out, what kind of career and stuff. and he said he wanted to go to this nice college in southern California, which is hard to get into. he mentioned how he’d hope he could get accepted so my exact words were “you’re dad went there maybe he has some connections and could try to get you in.”

His dad come aggressively yelling into our room “what the fuck did you just say about me” so aaron quickly shuts the door and says “nothing dad we are trying to have a conversation” his dad goes to his dad and asks him for advice, they both get wound up because they have no idea what we are saying and think we are talking bad about them. aaron and i finish our conversation and he goes out to get me water because i was feeling nauseous and i start hearing yelling, his dad and grandpa were ambushing him and acting as if aaron and i were the devil himself. the fight moved to our room and his dad starts to come after me so aaron goes to protect me and his dad ends up on top of him punching his son in the face me being a 5’0 100llbs girl WHO IS WITH CHILD go and try to pull this 6’0 230llbs guy off my boyfriend because i cant just sit there and watch while this is happening. he finally gets up and aaron says “we want to leave we cant live in a house where us having a conversation about the future finishes with my face bleeding! i’m having a child and do not want to bring my child into this house” his dad and grandpa go off. so i haven’t really started anything about his grandpa yet. HE IS CRAZY!! the first thing he says to me in the fight is that i’m going to hell and am dammed by god for being a teenage mom. he says i’m a disgrace and that my family doesn’t love me because i’m living with them. and when aaron said we wanted to leave his dad went to the grandpa and said “dad should i let him” (because he cant make a single parenting choice without his parents) his grandpas exact words were “let him leave. ill call the cops and have her arrested for kidnapping him then we will make aaron sue her for custody of the child.”

I cant with his family after that night aaron and i have jot accepted anything from his grandparents or dad. to top it off i do not feel safe when i’m not in my room. we can barely afford for us to eat a meal a day because of all this state drama. so we ration i eat at work and he tries to get food from his work as well. i’ve been doing everything i can to help us, so has he. i cant apply for wic because they took my license, and i don’t have an id card which i need because when i got my insurance cards my birthday was wrong, so i cant go to the doctor to have her fill out the paper work, i cant set up an interview because for that i need my id to actually apply for wic and the only way to get my license back is to drive 2 hours across the island to go get it, after i pay the fine.

It may just seem like i’m complaining and its all my fault but it is so hard to live in a house i’m not welcomed in but cannot leave. its hard to try save for a child when i barely make enough money to get through two weeks until my next pay check. it very hard and i just want the best for my child.

to end this very long- error filled rant i feel as if i wont make a good mother because i young and can barely provide for myself.. I don’t mean to seek attention i just needed to get this off my chest.. i feel so alone...