I won’t ever be good enough!


Ok so I got pregnant at 16 which was 8 years ago. Of course my parents were not happy. My dad especially hates my daughters dad because he smokes weed and we had some issues back then. But cmon we were in high school! I graduated on time and started going to school for nursing. I was doing awesome. Then my daughter was diagnosed with autism which kind of slowed me down. So about two years ago I started working for a school district as a substitute special education assistant and I LOVE it! And just this past November I was hired as a permanent employee. It was such a blessing. I was still able to get my daughter ready for school and be home when she was dropped off at the end of the day! At this point I put school on hold to pay bills and move out(we live with in laws) and in October we will be moving into our first place. I would saying I’m doing pretty well for being a teenage mom.

Well my dad seems to think differently. He still hates my daughters dad and keep in mind we’ve been together for 9 years! My husband is not perfect but he works hard for us. I’ve put my foot down and said that I’m not going to take my daughter over for holidays and that she deserves to be with her dad. I have developed very bad anxiety and would much rather just be at home with the people I’m comfortable with but they will never understand. My dad is also upset that I’ve put school on hold and especially upset that I’m not doing nursing. He says I’m just making excuses.

I’ve tried to distance myself but my anxiety won’t let me forget about this! And i feel like he has a hold on me all because of my car. He helped me get a car. But they made him the “owner” and me the co-signer. the deal was that he stays on the lease for 6 months and then we take him off. Well I ended up quitting my job because of school(this was when I was still a full time student). My husband was the only one working and we were unable to pay off all of my bills. A lot were maxed out. So we had to stop paying and obviously my credit went way down. That made it impossible for them to take my dad off the lease. Which he was mad about because he hadn’t told his wife about it. When she did find out she was pissed. Fast forward to today. I make all payment son time and I’m full. I would never jeopardize my dads credit when he did this huge favor for me. But he holds it over my head. One day he threatened to take the car since I didn’t want to watch their puppy while they were on vacation. Which pissed me off. He has never made one payment on that car. I make all the payments and i pay for the insurance!

But to wrap it up I’m just feeling like crap because to him I’m doing horrible. And I felt like I’m doing well. I got a good job, im moving out soon, and I do plan on going back to school. My credit is slowly getting better thanks to my new bank that have given me loans. And of course me paying my car. I’ve defitnely learned from my mistakes. And I feel like I’m improving myself so I don’t get why my dad would want to make me feel so low. I just want to be happy and enjoy my family.