So this is super difficult to post, and it will likely be a jumbled mess since that’s what it seems like in my mind right now.

So let’s start with the facts. My dad is a “recovering” alcoholic. He had been sober for about 14 years until he relapsed last week. My husband and I had to pick him up from the bar and drive him home and he was very uncooperative (big surprise) and it was very upsetting to me, even being an adult, as I haven’t had to deal with these feelings since I was a young kid. The last time I saw my dad drunk was when I was 8 years old and he was being arrested. After that instance he became sober and had been since.

So, moving on, my husband and I went to my parents for dinner yesterday and my dad touched my baby bump and I asked him not to since I don’t like people touching me (I meant this in a very literal sense, I don’t like hugging, things like that). Well, today my dad and I went out to lunch and he mentioned that he needed to talk to me about something. When I asked what, he said he wouldn’t talk about it in the restaurant and it was personal. After a lot of poking, because I knew I would think about it all day at work, he mentioned that it was something about when he was drunk and it was the worst day of his and my life. He also mentioned that he feels he needs to talk about it now due to a comment I made yesterday, which I believe to be the comment about not liking other people touching me. He made comments like, he should be in hell for what he did and he should have talked about it with me years ago.

So, here’s where my background comes in. I’m a licensed social worker and work with youth. I am very exposed to abuse and neglect. When my dad was talking, all my mind went to was that he sexually abused me when he was drunk when I was younger. I understand that this could be such a far stretch, but just the hinting that he was doing leads me to believe it’s along that line.

I don’t know what to do. He wants to come over and talk about this tonight and I’m not sure I want to know what he is going to say. Other than the instances when I was younger, I grew up in a two parent household who loved and supported me. I absolutely love my dad, even with his addiction. But I’m not sure I can deal with what he is going to tell me. I can’t imagine if that is the case, how I go about dealing with it? I mean, obviously counseling but being a social worker I know all of the therapists in my community. I don’t know how I would continue to see him, how I could see him in my child’s life, how I would or wouldn’t tell my mom?

I’m not sure what I’m really looking for here but if anyone has any insight, I would appreciate it. I understand that I may be overreacting but just the context of the conversation made my mind go everywhere.