in grade 7, i started cutting myself. my ENTIRE wrist was red and bloody to the point where it just looked like a big red bloody cut. my parents found out (through my guidance counselor) witch isn’t allowed unless i’m planning on killing myself (i was but didn’t tell the guidance counselor) so my mom sat me down one day after school and asked me to show her the cuts and i did. and she bursted out in tears. and we talked for about 20 minutes. then that was it. so my whole family knew what i was doing to myself. i stopped for a while. then this year i relapsed in may, due to my dad and my grandparents and my attention seeking friend who lied and told me shit about myself. then i formed an addiction. i didn’t tell anyone about what was wrong with me. what i was doing. or that i needed help. i cut up my thigh. so i could wear short sleeves and nobody would suspect anything. every day i would go home and cry, cut, cry then sleep. that was my routine. while listening to sad music. nobody knew what i was going through. nobody asked me how my day was. i didn’t go back to the guidance counselor because i was afraid he would tell my parents. i have anxiety attacks all the time. i worry about things all the time. things never leave my mind. i cry in every situation. i’m never happy. i cried 3 times at my birthday party in the bathroom. it was literally perfect and i couldn’t have asked for something better but i can’t find happiness. i stopped cutting because it’s summer and i have to wear a bathing suit. i still have red scars. i really want to cut. i don’t want to be here. i feel so alone. i feel

like people don’t want me here. and that i’m a waste of space. i’m 200 pounds and 5”6-5”7. i wanna die. i just want to be happy. i want to be loved. i want to be cared for. my OCD is driving me nuts recently. i have to touch anything 7 times. i have to eat my meal the way it was placed on the table. i have to shake my hands when i’m finding something out of my hair. etc. etc. i need to be happy and i need to forget about all this shit. is there ANY medication at all that i could buy without a prescription. i really don’t want to get my family involved with this. i can’t.