I’m in a relationship with this guy and have been for about 7 months, I’ve dealt with the mental abuse and I feel like dying sometimes or even escaping. Going somewhere new to start over but I can’t, because if I do he will leak my nudes (I know stupid, you always learn not to send nudes and he was the first I’ve ever sent it to). He also said he’ll find my family and tell them about my past so I’d get disowned and he knows where they live because I live with them. I used to party a lot which resulted in my body count being 12 including him and I was safe with all. I decided to be serious enough to date him and we did it the right way as in be friends, go on dates first then be his gf, etc. I have never cheated on him and I don’t talk to guys other than him. I don’t talk to girls really because he says it’s fine but when I do he turns it around and blames me and says only about work topics. If nothing interesting happens at work since I have to tell him what I did, I’ll say nothing happened and he’ll accuse me of fucking at work but I work at a makeup store so no guys are even there. If I don’t answer a phone call he’ll say “I bet you didn’t do this to anyone else”. It gets tiring. If I don’t answer a message he’ll accuse me of cheating and if I don’t put my location 24/7 he comes to my house and throws rocks all night in my window. Threatening that he’ll wake up everyone. I love him enough to not call the cops because I still care about him. I know I’m in a stupid situation but it’s impossible for me to leave without my dumb past getting out everywhere. He forces me to talk about my past sexual encounters when all I want to do is move on and forget about my stupid party days. I’ve been sober for 7 months that’s how much I try to not make him mad. He has hit me before 3 or 4 times and it has left me bruises but then he begs me to take him back and if I say no that’s when the threats come in. He gave me a pet because he feels bad I stay at home all day unless it’s work but if I act bad he tries to come and take him away. I love this pet because he’s my first pet and I can’t bear to lose it that’s why I stay with my bf. My bf knows this and he’ll use it against me since he has the receipt. He calls me names especially slut and loose. He always tries to have sex and it’s never forceful but if I’m so loose why does he keep insisting we have sex. He’s 100% faithful (I’ve checked his phone because he checks mine) and at this point I hope he cheats, I even look forward to catching him on his phone so it can be his fault we’re over but he never has tried. He’s so into being loyal and if I lie even a little lie he explodes. I don’t know what to do but it feels good to just vent.

For example tonight he spent 3 hours outside my balcony throwing rocks trying to get my attention and my little sister was scared, I didn’t have the guts to tell her it was him. He called so many times and I finally answered it took an hour to get him to forgive me for not wanting to answer about my past, btw it’s the same questions he asks with the same answers, he just makes me recant everything over and over again. He finally left at 3:00 and he got mad I sounded hopeless and wouldn’t give my actual opinion to things he asked because I was answering “the way I thought he wanted me to answer”. He told me to obey and not talk back so why was he angry I wasn’t being myself in the phone call. I feel trapped and he says he can only get worse. I have no friends anymore and can’t ask my parents for help because then they’ll know I was a stupid party slut. I wish I could just be happy with him or at least just disappear and leave everything behind.